A JD + Three

Tis the Season

2011-12-08T21:51:00.000-06:00

Well, for those of you who keep up with me via other social network venues, you know that I have picked up the running again and have become a bit of a fanatic. I will spare you the boring details of that journey.

I am an outdoor runner. I am fortunate enough to live in an area nicknamed "The Land of 10,000 Lakes." Really, there probably are that many plus some. Around those lakes are paths that during good weather are filled with people walking, talking, bike riding - and yes - running. I love running around the lake because the water is amazingly beautiful to watch and is a great distraction when I get tired. It also doesn't hurt that you can't just quit half way around the lake because you have to get back to your car somehow!

Well, as the fall turns to winter, my beloved Land of 10,000 Lakes becomes more like the Land of 10,000 Frozen Puddles. The air becomes to chilly to breathe and the paths snow-covered.

This is the time of year that I have been dreading. No, no - not winter. Treadmill season. The time of year that I am forced indoors onto that heavy contraption that spins round and round. I hate the treadmill. First of all, you have the amount of time in huge numbers right in front of your face...nothing like making the minutes pass like hours as they slowly go by right before your eyes. (Thanks to my friend A, I started putting a towel over that part - thank god). Second, you don't ever go anywhere! I mean, you run and run for miles and are still in the same place you started. Finally, there is nothing interesting to see. In fact, I spend most of my time at a gym where the treadmills have been so thoughtfully placed DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF A MIRROR. Yes folks, it is awesome to do nothing but watch yourself sweat and look tired the entire time you run. Awesome.

This evening I completed yet another session of treadmill torture after work. As I left the building - still wearing my workout clothes - the feeling of my feet hitting the sidewalk and pavement felt oh so nice. Although I'd just run for 4 miles, I was feeling invigorated, like I could run 4 more! I thought to myself: "It isn't too cold! I can just bundle up and face Old Man Winter!"

I started to daydream of the type of cold-weather running clothes I would need to purchase as I walked to my car. I'd need a better jacket, a face mask, a new hat, some new glo....ahhh! <--------- this is when I slipped on the ice and nearly fell on my ass.

And that my friends is the real reason I don't run outside in the winter.

The good ol' over the shoulder boulder holder

2011-08-21T11:07:00.000-05:00

You all know I have discussed bras before...at length actually. But time and maturity have brought me to the same topic - only from a different point of view.

You see, it was time. Time for me to give up part of my little girl because she was ready for, you guessed it, her first bra.

We went to target to look for just the right one. Somthing cute, yet comforatble. Something supportive, yet not to noticable.

You know what we found in the little girls' section at target?

A whole section of hoochie mama, super padded, demi cupped, totally inappropriate bras.

In a section of target intended for girls who are still young enough to like Hello Kitty and the latest Disney fad, they are selling what I consider to be adult bras. Padding galore, super low cut and overall just entirely inappropriate.

Despite my immediate disgust, I was able to form one precises (and what I consider fairly astute) question: WHY?

Why do girls who barely have breasts to support need to be wearing bras that make them out to be much larger than they are? Why was this the type of bra that represented the vast majoirty of those on sale in the LITTLE GIRL section of target?

And secondly, who in god's name thought this was in any way shape or form okay?

Listen dumbass, sick, perverted marketers and designers of LITTLE GIRL bras - my little girl is growing up quickly enough as it is. She is already bombarded with ideals of what kids her age should look like by media standards and what supposedly makes kids her age beautiful and desireable. So don't you dare exasterbate that unrealistic picture by making it appear as though the best choice for a LITTLE GIRL is to wear a bra that is meant to make her appear older than she really is.

Noelle and I did find some very cute - and age appropriate- bras that day. I'm very proud of my kid - and her non-padded bras work just fine. Take that Target.

Another year bites the dust...

2011-08-18T22:13:00.000-05:00

As cliche as this sounds, I feel like Nikolai was born yesterday. My baby, is no longer a baby. He is a big kid who today turned TWO!

He loves Dora the Explorer, The Wiggles, singing (especially the song about the continents), playing with his big sister Noelle, his cousins and hugging his mom and dad. He is a lot of work - but he is worth every single second of it.

Happy birthday baby!

Self Doubt

2011-08-11T11:26:00.003-05:00

There is something in the way of my personal and professional success.

Something that creeps in and steals the spotlight from any moment of project completion, hard-work, happy thoughts, compliments and joy.

Something that eviscerates the satisfaction of darn near perfect work.

Something that finds a way to discover any tiny deviation from the goal and exploit it until day’s end.

This something capitalizes on the fear that is associated with trying something new, extending myself at work or my everyday actions.

This something causes the imagination to run wild, creating – fabricating – imagining that something has gone terribly wrong and that everyone will associate my tasks with failure.

This something likewise prevents me from ever really feeling like I have done something well. Causes me to constantly re-think my actions, re-check my work. Causes me to fill my dreams with fears of mistakes and worry about recourse for not being perfect.

It has become obvious that this something needs to stop so that I can realize that when I am told I have done something well – that it means just that.

That something needs to stop…

…because that something – is me.

An early birthday...

2011-08-07T22:13:00.000-05:00

So, the little one doesn't turn two for another couple of weeks. However, due to some ongoings that I cannot discuss on the internet at the moment, we suddenly realized we did not have time for a little birthday celebration.

We did what any rational parent would do - we called a few people and had an impromptu celebration today!

It was great. Good cake (thanks, Sam's Club), good food (thanks, mom) and good people! Plus, Nikolai had a blast!

Here is my PITA blowing out the candles....

Happy birthday (a bit early) sweet boy.

What Not to Do on Vacation: A Traveler's Tale

2011-08-03T21:39:00.001-05:00

My husband had some business in Iowa this past weekend. Being the ~~sucker~~ nice guy he is, he invited me and the kids along. I did what I normally do for vacations - I looked for things to do and places to stay.

Mistake #1: I booked through hotels.com.

While I almost never book through an agent website (typically I get better deals elsewhere) I made an exception this time around because my husband wanted to cash in on the whole stay 10 nights get 1 free thing. Anyway, we found a hotel with a pool, free breakfast, non-smoking rooms in an okay location, and at a good price so we booked it. My mistake will become apparent later...let's move on to...

Mistake #2: I did not prep.

I had a horribly busy week. I typically am the first packed and first ready to head out the door for trips, but on this occassion I had not even done laundry. We had planned to leave our home at 6pm that night and arrive in Iowa around 11pm. Yeah, right. I think I was sort of packed around 6:15pm. Sort of had the kids fed around 6:30pm and sort of had the car packed by 6:45pm. Sort of.

Yeah, we left late. This put us on the road late and thus, to the pre-booked hotel late. After midnight late. With two drowsy kids (and parents) we pulled into the hotel lot and my husband ran to the front desk to check in while I waited in the car with the kids. He got the room keys and we parked and couldn't wait to crawl into bed. We got up to the room and it REEKED of smoke. The hotel had given us a smoking room. Even better, the hotel was 100% booked and could not give us the room we had reserved. So...

Mistake #3: I called hotels.com to help resolve the issue.

I was on the phone trying to resolve the issue until nearly 2am. Mostly on hold. With two kids. Sitting in the lobby. Naturally, every hotel within 100 miles was booked (or so said hotels.com). And, at 2 am, the conclusion was that we had to stay for that night in the smoking room. So, our exhausted bodies walked back to the hotel room and immediately began unloading so we could finally sleep. That is when I made...

Mistake #4: I didn't do the normal check.

I travel for work all of the time. I have a routine. I walk into the room, leave my stuff by the door and check for things. I check for intruders, I check that the room is clean and I check for bedbugs. I always check. But not this time. This time I was too tired. It wasn't until Noelle had taken the top blanket off her bed that I yelled "STOP! Don't touch anything!"

There is was. A bedbug.

::shudders::

Now, I'm not bug expert or anything, but a bug that resembles an appleseed = bedbug to me. So we immediately got the hell out of there. Did I stick around to figure out if there were bedbugs? Nope. I was OUT.

Which, you guessed it, lead to...

Mistake #5: Thinking anyone would help me with a refund for the smoke-filled, bedbug infested, un-used at 2am hotel room.

Yeah, I will spare you the details of my still on-going battle for a refund from stupid hotels.com.

Anyway, we fortunately did find a hotel room that night (er, morning). A very nice hotel clerk got us into a super small room with one queen and also tracked down a rollaway bed so we could all finally go to sleep (sans bedbugs). I owe that man a thank you card.

Our vacation was on the up and up thereafter. We found a nice hotel with two beds, a pool, free breakfast and NO bedbugs/smoke. We also had a ton of fun!

We went to the zoo and fed some birds...

Nikolai worked on his climbing skills...

We rode the kiddie train...

Nikolai found an awesome car...

Noelle did a little arts & crafts...

And we all got some sleep.

So, my friends. Next time you plan your vacation - learn from my mistakes. Oh, and check for bedbugs :)

A little about me...

2011-07-28T14:25:00.000-05:00

Just like you would with any dear friend (I am, of course, a dear friend – right?) it is time to play a little catch up. What have I been doing with my life since we last talked? Well – too much. But, the reader’s digest version is:

I am still fat. But, I am so working on it. I am still Disney obsessed (see ticker above for my next rendezvous there). I still have a super hot husband and two adorable children [insert ooo’s and ahhh’s here]. I am still employed (thank god) – which has its ups and downs. I still have a shoe obsession and still become unusually annoyed by grammatical errors.

There are some things that are a bit different. I am becoming a bigger smart ass every day. Good for blogging – not so good for my husband (haha). I no longer have a two bedroom townhouse because we decided to be big kids and bought our OWN HOUSE! (see below)...

Naturally there will be some blogging there. I would love to say you can expect blogging on my savvy design skills…but it will probably be more about “what not to do in your first house” type blogging. You get the point.

Anyway, all is fair in the game of love and blogging. So please expect this to be my last “status update” rant. Life is much more interesting when I am making fun of myself…or someone else.

Now that you are all caught up with me…I believe I have some catching up to do with all of you!

Xoxo.

Well, hello there.

2011-07-27T13:54:00.000-05:00

I have thought of abandoning this blog many times over the past few months. I had come to the conclusion that I no longer had anything left to say, no longer had any stories to tell. Truth be told, I had drafted in my head a final post.

But, as of late, I have been longing to spell out (literally I suppose) all of the things going on in my life. I have had many entertaining nights. Many struggles. Many blog-worthy (as they say) events.

So, whether it be from the road, the desk or the couch. I will be blogging again.

Consider this fair warning. She's baaaaaack!

Cabin Fever

2011-03-28T20:07:00.000-05:00

I have heard some of my friends that the weather in California has been an absolute beast. The beast? Rain. The state of California has experienced rain for over two weeks.

Aside from the obvious depression from the lack of vitamin D from the sun was the inevitable consequence of staying indoors for that long - cabin fever. The sheer boredom of having nothing fun to do for two weeks is rough. Even more rough when you throw young children into the mix because those children believe annoying you is the best way to fill the indoor time.

Well Cali, I feel for you, I really do. But I would gladly take two weeks of non-stop rain over the unbearable cold and snow that encompasses five months out of the year here in Minnesota. You see, there is a stage past cabin fever. Here in Minnesota we get a bit crazy.

To illustrate my point, I would like you to see what kids do in Minnesota in lieu of running through the sprinklers. See here...

LOL! I think we need to move. Or spring needs to come more quickly.

Live and Learn...

2011-03-17T11:28:00.000-05:00

Anwar is out of town, so I am going it solo this week with the kids. Nikolai woke up at 2:30 am the other morning and, since he has been sick, I just went in and got him figuring he could just sleep with me.

He had a different idea.

First I felt a finger poke right into my eye and heard Nik whisper "eye", then he nearly picked my nose and said "nose", "mouth"...you get it. Then, after he was done naming stuff and poking my face, he started saying TV over and over because he thought that would make me turn it on. I don't think my explanation of "there are no cartoons on at 2:30 am was sufficient because he got bored and got off the bed and started wandering around the house. He pretty quickly went to for cat food - because hey - it was the perfect time to feed the cat. So the cat hears Nik rummaging through her food and gets all excited because she thinks, "awesome! I am going to eat early today!"

So now, I have a toddler wandering the halls, a cat meowing over and over because she is confused about why she doesn't have any food yet and me really, really wanting to sleep.

So I thought, fuck it, and picked up Nik and put him back in his crib assuming he was going to freak out on my for doing so.

Nope. He went right to sleep. Next time I know just to leave the kid in his crib. Sheesh.

I need to be liked.

2011-03-15T09:18:00.001-05:00

No, really. I literally need you to "like" this photo:

Why? Because I entered a Modern Bird contest so I can win the above awesome photo done MB style.

So, I would love it if you would please, please, please click here and go like the above photo of my super cute kids.

Thanks :)

I ruined the Mickey picture

2011-02-22T11:40:00.003-06:00

As some of you may - or may not - know, I recently took a family vacation to none other than Disneyland. There were 14 of us. My family, my siblings and their families, my mom and my grandma. 14. We had a blast.

Although Nikolai is young, I was very excited for him to meet Mickey Mouse. He knows who Mickey is and he gets excited when Mickey is on TV, etc.

We got to Mickey's house in ToonTown first thing. There was barely a line, which I was happy about because Nikolai is not the most patient person (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree there people). Nikolai saw him and tried to jump out of my arms to get to him -- how to you explain to an 18 month old it isn't your turn yet, lol!

The look on Nikolai's face was priceless. He was just so excited and, in turn, I was excited too. We did what any family would do and we snapped a few pictures to commemorate the occasion.

This is when the fail occurred.

It must have been the excitement of it all, but I overloaded those Mickey pictures with my cheesiness - and bad hair - and wrinkles - and fat. I look like a psychotic Mickey stalker ready to strike. It is bad. Really bad.

So, when people ask for Nikolai's first pic with Mickey, this is what they'll get...

Trust me. Leaving my hand only in there is for the best.

We did get some other really great pics, however.

Nikolai is ready to go!

So is Noelle!

Time for tea at Minnie's house

Time to meet up with a wonderful friend and Nikolai's birthday buddy!

This is my favorite pic of all - Coronado beach is beautiful :)

We had such a good time on vacation. I feel renewed and energized - my goals are now even more clear than before...I must win the powerball so I can be on vacation every day! LOL!

Time to put up or shut up.

2011-02-21T11:07:00.000-06:00

I am like a broken record.

"I am having a tough time eating right"

"I for some reason just didn't stay on track with my workouts this week"

"I plan to do _____."

"I promise to do better this week."

Sound familiar? Sick of reading this on my blog all of the time?

Me too.

I decided it was time to put up or shut up. I can only type out my best intentions so many times before I drive myself (and all of you) crazy. So, I did it.

Actions speak much louder than words...

Quick, stop what you are doing right now!

2011-02-18T08:09:00.000-06:00

My awesome friend, Ali from Last Splash was kind enough to share this blog post with me. I had never read anything from Hyperbole and a Half. It is funny. So funny that I am still laughing about it as I type. So funny that I immediately emailed to friends and family and demanded they drop whatever it was they were doing to read it.

So I will tell you the same thing - stop what you are doing and read this particular post NOW. If you've read it before, read it again.

The Year Kenny Logins Ruined Christmas

You're welcome.

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

2011-02-17T08:54:00.000-06:00

We all want our children (or at least I hope we all want our children) to grow up to be independent people. We want them to depend on us for very few things, rather than just about everything. We want them to know how to care for themselves and know how to make their own decisions.

This is what we want.

Apparently this is also what they want.

My soon-to-be 18 month old has decided the time to be independent is NOW. I have no problem with this emotionally. I do not long for the days when I rocked him to sleep or for the days that I had to bottle feed him. I am missing the gene that makes most mothers long for that. What I do have a problem with is that Nikolai is pretty incapable of doing the things that he insists be done without my aid.

You want an example? Sure you do!

Nikolai does not want my help putting on his coat. He thinks he is a big boy now and big boys put on their own coats. So he flings it and throws it over his head. He bends forward in an effort to get the coat over his back. He wiggles and squirms. And then, with the coat draped over his head, Nikolai claps for himself because he has gotten his coat on.

Imagine his disappointment when I wrestle him to the ground trying to really get his coat on.

Nikolai also believes he can walk down the stairs. I have tried and tried to teach Nikolai to scoot down the stairs backwards. But no. Big boys don’t scoot down the stairs, they walk. So, despite my efforts, Nikolai insists on walking down the stairs like the big kids. Please note he tries to put only one foot on each step, rather than taking one step at a time.

I hold his hand, but this is a fall just waiting to happen. After all, he is my kid and did inherit my lack of grace.

Finally, Nikolai believes he can feed himself with a spoon and fork. Trust me, you do not even want to try to make him eat with his hands or try to feed him yourself. Nope. Nikolai wants you to hand over the full cup of yogurt and spoon and he can take care of it himself. What he can also take care of in the process is getting yogurt on himself, the floor, the walls, the highchair, the cat and anything else within slingshot distance.

Please note we no longer give him anything other than vanilla yogurt…because it is white.

My little/big kid is well on his way to being that independent person I so want him to be. Until he gets there, just give me the “I understand” smile when you see us in the grocery store and my kid has a yogurt covered coat that is merely flung over his back and is sporting some fresh bruises courtesy of the stairs.

Hey, nobody ever said the road to independence was a smooth one.

I lost my candle

2011-02-16T14:46:00.000-06:00

Somewhere there is a candle burning at both ends. If you find it, would you return it to me please?

I have always prided myself on how well I multi-task. I could seamlessly float through the million and one things I needed to accomplish by 5:00 pm without breaking a sweat or developing a migraine. I could hop from one mind boggling assignment to another without skipping a beat. I could take countless interruptions without losing my place (or my very little patience).

I suppose when you are a single mom trying to finish up undergrad and law school that by necessity you do what you have to do. I did not have the luxury of taking a break. I had to work. I had to finish school. I had to care for myself and Noelle. I had to do these things to make sure she had the best opportunities in life. So, I did it. Raised a baby, worked a job, went to school full time and somehow managed to wear clean clothes most days.

I did all of that plus I had time for family, I spent a good deal of time with my friends, I participated in school activities, I dated my now husband, I did very well in school and I did not feel like death at the end of the day.

In short, you could say I constantly burned the candle at both ends.

Fast forward to the present day. I find it difficult to get up in the morning. I can multi-task (really, I can) but not with the same grace I did a few years ago. I forget what I was doing when interrupted and I find it very, very difficult to take care of my two kids – and this is with the help of a very involved husband.

What gives?

At this point my life should be easier. I work one full time job. I do not have school, nor the homework that results. I am no longer a single parent and, aside from my little blog here, I do not participate in much else aside from my kids and my work.

Additionally, I have no time for anyone and I usually feel like death at the end of the day. Most importantly, I am a horrible, horrible friend. By the time the kids are fed and asleep at the end of the day I just want to be alone. I do not have the energy, nor the mental capacity, to call my friends or go out with them. I don’t feel like I am a good conversationalist anymore because I lose focus during the conversation and have a tough time contributing the way I would like.

I pretty much suck at life.

So, either my candle is lost or it has completely burned out.

Nobody warned me those candles had limited wick life. If I had known I totally would have purchased a larger one.

I Interrupt this Period of Non-Blogging...

2011-02-08T19:58:00.000-06:00

...to AW my smarty pants :)

SOUNDS! Yay :)

Retail Therapy

2011-01-21T07:08:00.000-06:00

It works. And I love it.

Yesterday morning, a co-worker rushed up to me and another co-worker with an excited expression. It looked like she was about to announce an engagement, promotion or pregnancy. Yes, she was that excited. Anyway, she quickly blurted out that Nine West was having a HUGE sale. She then began to list the many, many shoes she scored for a steal of a price.

Naturally, me and the other co-worker went to our desks and got right to work...if by work you mean working on looking for an awesome Nine West shoe. Or handbag. Or boot.

The stress that I typically feel melted away as I perused the webpage and the deals all around. There was so much to chose from and so much to see. It was like I was in my own little shoe online wonder land.

It was tough, but I finally picked a pair. It was the right combo of style, comfort -- and for Anwar -- right for the wallet.

Want to see?

I love them. I am sure I will love them more once they are on my feet.

So it is decided. I need to win the powerball so I can just go shopping every time I get stressed out :)

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again.

2011-01-19T14:41:00.000-06:00

I know I probably just got that song stuck in all of your heads. I am sorry. Sort of ;)

Well, get knocked down is right. I do not need to bore any of you with the details, but I am struggling with life right now. I am constantly running around trying to get dinner done, trying to get kids to bed, trying to feel like I spend any quality time with my family at all. I am also constantly stressing about taking care of my rambunctious toddler, stressing about traveling for work, stressing about how my husband will manage on his own while I am gone, stressing about weight, stressing about loans, and where the heck my life is going.

Are you still reading?

Good. Because I let all that garbage I just wrote get in the way. I let it get in the way of everything. I have not been eating well or exercising regularly. I have not been training for my 5K. I have basically been doing nothing and giving myself an out with “life.”

So, in contemplating my next step, I remembered my New Year’s resolutions. #4: I get knocked down, but I get up again. Even though I haven’t been doing well recently, doesn’t mean I can’t do well now. Also, #2: Keep it simple stupid. I need to stop overwhelming myself with what I still need to do. All it takes is one step at a time. Tonight, that step is to work out. Finally, #1: Don’t give up.

Life is not always going to be smooth sailing. All those waves cannot be an excuse for me to give up and do nothing but watch TV while eating chocolate ice cream.

Tomorrow I am hoping my life changes in just one respect – I want to be sore as hell because of a great workout!

A Different Kind of McFatty Monday

2011-01-17T08:35:00.001-06:00

Sometimes during my (never ending) quest to lose weight, I lost sight of how what I am doing impacts those around me.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I really have been trying to lose weight for half of my life. For those math whizzes out there, that means I have been trying to lose weight for Noelle's entire life.

Noelle has watched me celebrate pounds lost and likewise watched me wallow in sorrow when those pounds (usually plus some) came back. She has watched me cut out many foods and then shortly thereafter overindulge in those same foods.

As stupid as it sounds, I have never really considered the practical impact of my actions on my child. I never thought of my yo-yo dieting beyond myself other than to acknowledge that I never wanted my children to experience what I have.

Well, hindsight is 20/20.

About a month ago I signed Noelle up for swimming lessons. Since that time, Noelle has insisted that she did not want to go. This is fairly typical behavior, as Noelle tends to be very shy and hates trying new things. This past Saturday was the first lesson and that morning Noelle repeated how much she did not want to go. I brushed her fears aside and took her to the community center. Once there, Noelle began telling me she did not want to get into her swimsuit. I brushed that aside as well and told her she would have a great time and to not be nervous. It wasn't until Noelle sat down on the bench next to the pool and began to cry that I started to wonder what else was going on.

Noelle told me she did not want to swim because she was so much bigger than all the girls in her class.

Noelle is not fat in the least. She is the tallest kid in her entire school, she is the height and weight of the average 12 year old and she has the curvy body of an adult, not the bean pole body of a child. In sum, she just grew up too fast and her classmates have yet to catch up to her.

But try explaining that to a crying 8 year old who was too self-conscious to go into a pool because she was the biggest girl there. Try explaining that nobody else cares about her size, they are just there to have fun. Try explaining all of that when the child listening has watched you experience all the same emotions and has watched you not do things because you were too big.

Listening to my child cry because she feels too big for her age made my heart just sink. After we talked and Noelle had gone into the other room, I sat down and cried because the heartache I sought to prevent has already started to occur. I am so upset with myself for not being more conscious of my diet woes and their impact on Noelle. I am also incredibly angry that at 8 my child is already aware of body size and feels the need to be worried about it.

I am at a total loss.

All I could tell her is that she grew much more quickly than other kids her age - and that she is drop dead gorgeous. Beyond that I am not sure what to do.

What in the world do you do with a kid, who at 8 years old already sees the use in a McFatty Monday?

Those Days

2011-01-04T07:05:00.000-06:00

Some days I can understand why some people do not have children.

I am talking about the days that I just want to run and hide or get into my car and drive far, far away because I seriously cannot stand my children for one more second.

The days that Noelle gives me attitude over every.little.thing. Honestly, you would think the whole world was ending because I told her to hang up her clothes. This, of course, is after she found some way to interrupt every conversation I was engaged in that day or found some way to make each and every task I needed to accomplished incredibly difficult. She also thinks me trying to pick a random piece of hair out of her eye is like major surgery that requires tears or valium.

The days that Nikolai cries for absolutely no reason or because I do not give him everything his little heart desires. You know, I can only hold so many dishes/toys/food/babies in my hands before I crack. This comes after he has decided the floor that I just picked up and vacuumed should be re-christened with his lunch and re-filled with his toys. Oh yes, and then he is upset because he is still hungry for the food that made it to the floor and not his tummy and that his feet hurt from constantly stepping all over the legos that MUST cover every square inch of the living room.

The days that after hearing all the whining and crying and fits and temper tantrums that I still must find a way to stop from drowning in a never-ending pile of laundry and sink constantly full of dirty (smelly) dishes and people saying to me "when are you cooking dinner" and "did you pay this bill yet."

You know...those days.

It is on those days that I do not like being a parent. I do not like having responsibilities. That I tell my husband that for Christmas next year I want Santa to make me six years old again so that somebody else can do my laundry, cook my dinner, wash my dishes and pay my bills. So that somebody else can listen to children whine and cry and throw themselves on the ground in a rage because they did not get to play with the toaster (yes, the toaster).

Now, on those days, after I have given myself the appropriate time out, I remind myself that being a parent sucks. Having responsibility for the lives of those who cannot care for themselves is hard. Trying to keep life in balance is not an easy task.

But, watching your daughter figure out a tough math problem or scoring a soccer goal, hearing your son sing "ABC" for the first time, gazing at them both as they dance together around the house, putting them both to bed with an I love you and a kiss, that is what a mom gets to do.

And being a mom is awesome....even on those days.

McFatty Monday: Resolution Time

2011-01-03T06:23:00.000-06:00

I am not typically one to proclaim a resolution for the new year. At least not publicly. In my mind I always tell myself that THIS will be the year that I will do it. I will finally take off the weight. For those of you who have been with me since last year, you can pretty much assume that I said this to myself on January 1, 2010.

Yeah, as per usual, it didn't happen.

Now, don't get me wrong, I accomplished some great things in 2010. I ran a 5K. I finished the 30 Day Shred. I kept going.

But, I obviously did not do what I wanted to do - lose weight. I weight pretty much weigh the same that I did at this time last year. Despite my efforts, I could not follow through and thus could not make any progress towards my weight loss goal.

So, as 2010 came to a close I thought it was time to have a better resolution. I have a few actually.

I think, first and foremost, I resolve to not give up. The road to my ideal weight may be long and hard, but I have to keep going even when it seems useless or impossible.

Don't give up.

Next, I need to stop looking for the next big thing that is magically going to melt the weight off of me. It does not exist. To lose weight I have to eat less and move more. And yes, it is that simple - and oh so hard all at the same time.

Keep it simple stupid.

I would also like to run the Disney 5K in Anaheim, CA this September with a SUPER good friend of mine. My goal is not for time-related, but just to run without stopping - even if my run is at a snail's pace.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Finally, I want to be better at jumping back on the diet bandwagon when I fall off. Just because I have a bad day, week or even few weeks does not mean my diet has failed. It means I need to cut the crap and get back up.

I get knocked down, but I get up again.

So, let's recap.

My 2011 resolutions are:
1) Don't give up;
2) Keep it simple stupid;
3) Slow and steady wins the race; and
4) I get knocked down, but I get up again.

Naturally, these goals require that I start doing something to accomplish them. I haven't yet decided my best course of action. So, by next week I want to have a good game plan and will share it with you so that I can force you all to keep me in check.

2011 had better keep me on my toes :)

Happy McFatty Monday.

Top Ten of 2010

2010-12-31T07:25:00.000-06:00

It is hard to believe that I have been blogging for one year. One year and four days to be exact. To bring in the new year and celebrate my year of blogging, here is a recap of my favorite posts from 2010!

January: Money Matters

February: Guest Blogger: My Life and things I like

March: Heavy Drinking and 5K Training Just Don't Mix

April: Dear Big Sister

May: Lawyers Fly First Class, Right?

June: So, about that 5K...

July: HGTV Lies

August: So, I am not as big of a nerd as I thought

September: Would you like to hear the news?

October: Back away from the juniors section!

November: Senior Moments

December: Control

This year has certainly been a year of ups and downs. From the frustration and anxiety of being unemployed, to the happiness and relief of finding a great new job. From the dispair of never-ending dieting, to the satisfaction of finishing a 5K. I have many things I want out of life yet...so next year let's see how much I can do!

Happy New Year!

He is very polite

2010-12-30T11:32:00.002-06:00

I already know I am instilling great values in Nikolai. He is so polite, that he even bids farewell to his new toy laptop ;)

Haha, what a cutie.

Control

2010-12-28T06:03:00.000-06:00

I have never felt guilty for being a working mom. Never felt guilty for sending my kids to daycare (in fact, I LOVE them being in daycare). Never felt guilty that I was not always the one to pick them up and/or drop them off.

I am a working mom and very happy to be one. In all honesty, I am not cut out to be a SAHM and think those who can happily do so are amazing.

Anyway, my guilt-free working mom attitude took a dive a few weeks ago.

I am typically at my desk and working before Noelle and Anwar even leave the house. One morning I got a call from Anwar and the first words out of his mouth are: "She's okay, but Noelle fell down the stairs this morning." After getting all the info - yes she fell, yes she is okay, the school nurse sent her to class, she was more scared that anything...I hung up the phone. And nearly cried.

The only thing I could think was how horrible I am for not being there when my daughter needed me. Why wasn't I there to stop her from falling? Why couldn't I have caught her? Why wasn't I there to make sure she knew everything was going to be okay?

I felt like a horrible, horrible working mom because instead of being there - I was at work.

I mean, I know that Noelle has people who love and care for her, but I have a single-mom mentality when it comes to her. I am used to being the parent who cares for her and makes sure she is okay. Don't get me wrong, I know Anwar to be wholly capable, but I am just so accustomed to be the only one. Even after all this time I am used to kissing the boo-boos better and giving Noelle a hug when she gets hurt. I am used to being in control of making her feel better.

But you know what? It is time for this type-A mom to give up control. I am not going to be, nor can I, always be there. I am raising my children to be independent, to think for themselves and to figure out what to do when a problem arises. I have entrusted my children to people who are great caregivers, kind-hearted and responsible. I have a great daycare, a great school and an amazing husband who all make sure my kids do well and are okay.

That said, I need to know that in my absence my children are well cared for and well loved. I need to know that when she falls, Noelle can pick herself back up.

When I picked Noelle up from school that day, I apologized to her for not being there to help her when she fell down the stairs. She said to me: "That's okay, Anwar caught me."

Merry Christmas to you!

2010-12-27T18:58:00.000-06:00

We had some presents, we had some fun. But now I am exhausted and glad it is all done!

Til next year, Santa Claus!!

My "Start typing the right words" Wednesday

2010-12-22T12:03:00.002-06:00

There are many things in life that bother me. Trust me, many. But today I am irked by one thing in particular.

“let me meet u at ur place later.”

Or how about:

“ur the best. Can I buy u dinner?”

What in the world is so difficult about typing the TWO extra letters to complete the words “you”? Is it that much more effort to type out “you’re” instead of “ur”?

I completely understand that such shorthand became popular since the advent of texting. Honestly, it was difficult on those older phones to press the number key a particular amount of times to get the right letter. As such, having short hand came in, well, handy.

But come on people. We now have FULL keyboards on our phones and the .5 a second it takes to type a “y” and an “o” is really not much of an imposition.

Furthermore, the bastardization of such short, simple words has traveled from the texting realm into everyday life. I get emails and facebook comments from ADULTS that include my least favorite letters “u” and “ur”.

Seriously? YOU ARE USING A KEYBOARD! Type out the whole word for goodness sake.

I suppose this thought sums up the reasoning behind the pet peeve: quit being juvenile. When you cannot seem to get the word “you” typed up on your computer screen, then you come off as a tween, an idiot, uneducated and/or lazy.

**sigh**

Vent over. Somebody give me some Christmas cheer now…

Yup, that day is today.

2010-12-21T07:21:00.001-06:00

My bio over there on the left is no longer true. That's right folks, I am no longer 29.

Today I turn the big 3-0.

In honor of such an occasion, I would like to tell you (aside from the date, of course) how exactly is that I know I am thirty (aka old).

1. I have crows feet. Yes, crows feet. My otherwise youthful smile is broken apart by the noticeable wrinkles around my eyes.

2. I cannot remember what I am supposed to be doing at any given time of the day. Lists and calendars people -- it is how I keep my job. And my sanity.

3. Unlike after I had Noelle, I have yet to regrow the hair I lost after having Nikolai.

Although there is hope...if you look really closely below, I have SOME re-growth. Maybe by 40 I will have a bit more ;) (please ignore how ghastly pale I am...tanning is in my future).

4. 8:30 p.m. is late. Really, really late.

5. I really like to watch Dateline and Antique Roadshow. Add that to my other TV favs - Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy -- and I should just go right to the old home.

6. I very much look forward to reading the Sunday paper.

7. People call me ma'am. I look around for my mother every time, but no, they really are referring to me.

8. I rock out the "back in the day" mixes on the radio.

9. My bones crack and make odd noises when I get up in the morning.

10. I can no longer tell people I am in my 20s...or can I?...

Dry clean only

2010-12-12T07:10:00.000-06:00

Do you think this should go on low or permanent press?

LOL! Maybe it is time to invest in a cat bed.

Catching up!

2010-12-11T05:39:00.000-06:00

Oh my dear blog readers,

Keeping up with you and my little blog has proven to be challenging. This is especially so when I am off in BFE for work more and more these days. You understand, right? Right.

To help make it up to you, I have decided to show you what the kiddos have been up to as of late and to promise I have several things to blog about this week. (I expect your super excited shouts to be inserted here).

Well, Miss Noelle is doing great. I have recently convinced myself that she has managed to read all the books in her room...maybe twice. Trips to the local (not so great) library have proven frustrating because she has read many of those books too. Plus, WTH does the library not carry Sweet Valley Twins anymore?!?! Please say I am not that old...

Anyway, all the rage at school has been that she just got a pen pal and cannot wait to finish up her letter for her new friend. She is also anxiously awaiting helping me make cookies for a Holiday cookie exchange I am doing with my friends (xoxo ladies, you know who you are). Now the only question is: which cookies to make....Hmmm, decisions, decisions.

Now, apparently when I am out of town for work, Mr. Nikolai has decided Noelle is my substitute. I was informed by Noelle yesterday that "Nikolai wants me a lot when you are gone." I just told her it is because he loves her so much :)

How could you not love these two.

Now, as for Nikolai, he had not been very pleasant lately. Poor kid cannot help it, however. Naturally, the week I was gone was the week Nik had to stay home 4 out of the 5 days because of a fever, eye infection and double ear infection. We believe there are some molars in the mix too. Tubes are 18 days away...I hope he makes it until then!

In other news, Mr. Man has discovered that all he needs to do to reach things we have placed too high for him is to grab any object over to the place he wants to reach, climb up, and viola! Yeah, we have taken away some toys for the time being.

Nikolai is also officially a big boy at daycare! He was moved into the toddler room a bit early because it was agreed he was ready for the older aged toys and more mobile kids. He is doing such a great job and looks so happy every time I pick him up. I love that place -- how did I get so lucky in finding such a great daycare?

Well, overall the kids are doing such a good job with me working. Kudos to my husband for being such a trooper through all of my out of town trips and the sick kids that follow.

On a side note, how the hell did Christmas come up so fast?! I suppose I should start shopping, lol!

Click here, my friends.

Totally Random

2010-12-02T07:38:00.001-06:00

I think it is high time that I write a post strictly regarding some of the quirky, random, possibly little known, things about me. So, without further ado, random facts about Anne.

1. I have been coloring my hair since I was 12. I honestly have no idea what my natural color is anymore.

2. Noelle was supposed to be named Dominica. Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking either.

3. I don't know how to iron clothes. At all.

4. I am not permitted to use sharp objects during family gatherings for fear that I will cut myself...I usually do.

5. I like watching Phineas and Ferb.

6. When I was in 3rd grade I wrote a book report on seals and received a very good mark on it. Unfortunately it was not as well received when I tried to recycle the same paper in 5th grade. Oops.

7. I have totally worn clothes to work that I thought passed the sniff test only to realize later that day they should have failed...badly.

8. When I was little I wrote all over the walls and dresser in my bedroom and then wrote "Michael (my brother) did this" Unfortunately my very young little bro did not know how to write all of that. Busted!

9. I used to walk around in high heels every day...now I can barely last an hour in them.

10. I have seen every episode of Star Trek the Next Generation and wish it would come back!

Yeah, I know. I am pretty cool ;)

McFatty Monday: The Case of the Thanksgiving Dinner and Old Halloween Candy.

2010-11-29T07:52:00.000-06:00

Yes, yes, the title is a Perry Mason reference. I am that big of a nerd.

The title is also telling of how my last week went...not well. I have not weighed myself and am terrified to do so. At this point the boots (which I am still searching for after discovering my fat calves are too big for my lovely boots) are not looking good. Perhaps the fact that I no longer have an ascertainable reward is deterring my motivation. Or the good Holiday food. Or both.

I have been stuffing my face full of sweet potatoes, turkey, deviled eggs and syrupy waffles....yummy waffles. I am also imagining the delicious cookies, candies and rich foods that are approaching with the Christmas season. I am assuming this is not the way to eat if I want to lose weight.

At this point I need to decide to cut it out and just eat right regardless of the holiday or situation. Or I can cop out and wait for the holidays to be over and THEN start my diet.

I am super close to the cop out option.

But, I am doing my best to not give up. After all, what good would I be doing myself if I simply resolved to be unhealthy thereby cutting my life and time with my family short? No good at all is my answer to that. So, here we go again. I am about to hop back on the wagon...and go find some new boots while I am at it :)

Aside from finding me some kick ass boots, give me a click and get me back up in the tops on Picket Fences, please :)

Ball? I don't need no stinkin' ball!

2010-11-27T11:49:00.000-06:00

Nikolai is taking after Noelle's superstar soccer qualities. So much so that he doesn't even need a ball to perfect his skill....see for yourself.

Empty cups - they are all the rage this Christmas. Ahhh, this is going to make gift giving this year SUPER easy.

Review: Littlest Petshop 3: Biggest Stars

2010-11-22T07:47:00.001-06:00

You know, Christmas is a mere 33 days away!!

Just in time for finding that perfect gift for the kiddos is a review of EA's newest Littlest Petshop game for Nintendo DS, Littlest Petshop 3: Biggest Stars.

When I am asked to do reviews for items that are clearly for someone my daughter's age, I always ask her what she wants to do. Noelle jumped at the chance to check out the game and excitedly awaited its arrival. When it arrived we waited for the homework and chores to be done and off to play the game she went.

Littlest Petshop 3 is a game about pets going into competitions, such as ice skating, hopping, fashion design and horse riding in an attempt to earn a spot on a team. Noelle absolutely LOVED it.

Her favorite part by far was the bunny hopping game, where the player jumps from cloud to cloud collecting points. Noelle was always very excited to see the judges give her all "10s" when she completed her jumping. Noelle also said the fashion design was hard because each one required matching in a really short amount of time - but she knows she will get better with time and keeps at it!

Now, let me tell you a few things that are important to me when choosing a game for Noelle...

1) No violence allowed. I don't like it and this game is violence free. It is just plain fun, what a game should be.

2) No "one hit wonders" meaning no games that you can play once and then they are no longer fun.

3) User friendly. I should not have to help my kid play a video game, they should be able to play themselves.

Littlest Petshop 3 hit the mark on all three of my criteria. Noelle had a great time playing the game and I am sure the kids you need to shop for this season will as well. If you would like more info on this game, please click here.

Please note I was given this product to review at no cost. However, I was under no obligation to provide a positive review and the opinions expressed here are solely my own...and Noelle's of course.

Senior Moments

2010-11-16T07:38:00.000-06:00

I am sure you are all probably sick of hearing about my husband. Well, tough, you have to hear about him again today.

Now we all know Anwar is somewhat akin to the character Monk. Yes, yes, Anwar is mildly OCD (nowhere near where Monk is, but it is a good comparison for those who are inexperienced with OCD). He likes everything in its place and looking neat. I kid you not when I say that one day I was browsing through pictures and found 17 pictures of drawers and cabinets arranged different ways. When I asked Anwar about it he said that he likes to arrange the drawer one way - take a picture - arrange the drawer another way - take a picture - and then compare the pictures to see which way he likes it best.

No, I am not kidding.

While I laughed my ass off, Anwar saw nothing wrong with his obsessive orgnaization of our home.

This tendency plays into his studies as well. When Anwar was in school he would pedantically study. To the point where he would spend hours and hours on ONE concept just to ensure he had not missed one single solitary detail with regard to that concept. I like to call it fixating - he likes to call it good studying.

The point is the man has the details of life perfected. He does not like to miss details. He does not like to forgo learning important information. He does not like to cut corners.

Well, you would think all of his OCD/pedantic tendencies would have spilled over into all of his life, right? Right?

Wrong.

Anwar seems to have missed one important detail...

While at Starbucks the other day the following conversation occurred

Barista: What are you guys up to today?

Me: Nothing much, just headed out to celebrate my sister's birthday.

Barista: How old is your sister?

Me: 32.

Anwar: No, no, she is not 32. She is the same age as me, 31.

Me: Really? No, I swear it is 32.

Anwar: I promise.

Me: No way, Anwar. My sister is 2 year older than me and I am almost 30. That makes 32. Plus, both of you were born in 1978. That makes 32.

Anwar: Whatever.

After about five minutes in the car and Anwar doing something on his phone I heard him exclaim: Damn!

Me: What?

Anwar: I am 32. What the hell happened to 31?!

Haha! I love him.

McFatty Monday: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

2010-11-15T06:28:00.000-06:00

Wanna hear the good first? I lost 2 pounds since last week!

This is awesome because it was as simple as being conscious of what I was putting in my mouth this past week. This is a great place to start, but is obviously not a very good way to continue to lose weight. I know I will have to start being more strict with my diet again, but I feel like this was a good way to ease back into things. Feels nice when it works :)

For the record, I have not lost two pounds since Friday - this is based on my weight as of last Monday.

So, onto the ugly, which sort of leads to the bad. I have big calves which means I have a tough time with the knee high boots. The boots I picked so awesomely come in extended sizes and I was stoked to think I could have such an awesome pair of boots. This awesomeness lasted until I tried a pair on. The extended size would barely zip up. Stupid calves. Or should I say ugly calves.

It is bad that my reward option is not really feasible anymore.

So, I must get some new boots. They cannot be knee highs...so I am out on the hunt again.

Suggestions are always welcomed.

Now the next thing:

Today is the last day to vote for A JD + Three for thebump.com's Best Working Mom Blog Award! Voting is very easy and takes seconds. If you enjoy my blog, please take a second to vote. Thank you!

I'm like a teenager with a chore chart

2010-11-13T06:35:00.001-06:00

Let's not kid anybody...my house has been a disgusting disaster.

Ever since I returned to work there just is not time to do the dishes, replace the towels, wash the clothes, vacuum the floor and make the bed. Nor is there time for any of the other things that separate my home from a frat house.

I have read quite a few blogs as of late wondering where the balance is - you know - between being a working mom and still having time for family, friends and household. Well, I can tell you where the balance is for me: I just tossed out that whole cleaning thing and viola I have more time for kids and husband. See how easy that was?!

No really, I was embarrassed to have people over because my house STANK due to its dirty state. STANK.

So, to remedy this issue, Anwar and I re-instituted something we used to do back in the day. A grown up version of a chore chart.

We alternate days during the week of quick kitchen clean up and living room tidying, then on the weekends we alternate deep cleaning of the bathroom and kitchen.

Can I say I already feel better? Like I am not sleeping in a mold infested dorm room. So, so much better.

Maybe Anwar and I can start getting allowance next ;)

Don't forget to vote for A JD + Three on TheBump.com Mommy Blog Awards!

I have been hiding from you...

2010-11-12T07:50:00.000-06:00

with regard to McFatty Monday that is. So, I decided to post this today instead of Monday because I have obviously been putting it off long enough.

I have not been exercising, I have not been eating well. Actually, I should rephrase that: I have been sitting around like a lazy ass and I have been eating every single item of junk food in sight. I have gained 6 pounds since August and am entirely unhappy with the situation and my appearance.

I have always heard that you will be successful with eating right and exercise when being healthy is more important than that piece of food you are about to stick in your mouth or more important than sitting on the couch watching TV. I suppose I have not reached that point yet.

In all honesty though, this crap is exhausting. I know it is a lifestyle change, but living in fear of what you eat every day for the last 15 years is way too long. So, I need something new.

That something new is literally something new. I want THIS really bad. I actually could go out and purchase them today if I wanted. But, I have decided I need to work for them. When I lose 10 pounds, I get the boots. After that, another reward after another 10 pounds.

So, this means eating what I am supposed to eat and getting off the couch at the end of the day for a little 30DS.

Will this motivate me? I hope. I really want those effing boots.

Stay tuned for Project Anne's New Boots.

Also, if you have a moment, I'd love if you would vote for me in the Working Mom Category! Thank you!

There are some big fish out there.

2010-11-11T09:45:00.001-06:00

I frequently refer to my blog as a "drop in the bucket." A small piece of the vastly large arena known as mommy bloggers. Many of these blogs generate thousands (yes, thousands) of daily hits, have extremely well written, well thought out and meaningful posts and have hundreds (if not thousands) of readers who cannot wait for the next post to be published.

I am not one of these blogs.

I tend to use the same words over and over (remember, I have the smallest vocab of any lawyer out there), I cannot craft my words to make my stories more powerful and I do not have the large following of readers. In addition, I do not have these amazing stories or meaningful posts - instead, you all have to hear me complain about being fat, being (formerly) unemployed, my lack of sleep and my obsession with coffee.

Yet, many of you stick around and listen to me ramble on about nothing. For that, I am grateful.

Thanks to Mom-in-a-Million (with her 11th hour pity nom) and our friends at The Bump I have been named as a finalist in this year's Mommy Blog Awards in the Working Mom category. While I am just a little fish in a sea of big ones (I mean, come on, there are some really awesome blogs in this category) I would love to do my best and get some votes.

So, if you like reading my rants about weight loss, exercise, coffee, my NEW job and challenges with bathrooms - please click HERE and vote for me. No account is necessary - just select A JD + Three and then vote :)

Thanks so much for sticking around - I truly appreciate it.

Wishing Time Away

2010-11-10T19:10:00.000-06:00

I find myself doing it often.

I wish it was lunchtime. I wish it was 5:00 already. I wish this day would be over. Simple enough, right? Whether due to hunger, bordem, fatigue or just wanting to be done with work, I find myself wishing away time. Time that I am spending doing something I would rather not do I wish would pass so that I can get to things I want to do.

Although seemingly innocent, my wishing has more consequences than I first imagined.

Instead of wishing for the work day to be over, I am wishing for difficult times in life to pass as well. I am wishing for difficult times to be gone. I am wishing for tribulations to conclude. I wish Nikolai would get a bit older and sleep better. I wish Noelle were old enough to stay at home alone for a while. I wish my kids were old enough to be more independent.

I am sure we have all uttered comparable wishes. The problem is, when you wish for those times to be speed by, the rest of life speeds by as well.

Instead of this...

...you get this.

Instead of this...

...you get this:

I have spent so much time wishing for immediate gratification that I now have an blossoming lady instead of a a little girl and a toddler who does not even resemble the baby I still believe him to be. I have wished for life to go by a little too fast.

So while I do not want to endure those last minutes of work, the few more hours of a horrible day, the moments before lunch or the trying times my kids go through as they grow, I do want to spend as much time of my life - living life - as possible.

We interrupt this McFatty Monday...

2010-11-08T08:39:00.000-06:00

because I am taking an exam for work today. Please send positive vibes - I think I need them!

Yikes!

Halloween!

2010-11-06T08:12:00.000-05:00

We had a great time! Noelle was a vampire and Nikolai was the one and only Mickey Mouse. We went Trick-o-Treating with a friend of Noelle's from school and thrust me, we got plenty of candy. After all was said and done, we went to a cozy (huge) bonfire and had hot dogs and soda.

Pretty good night if I do say so myself.

Now get ready for a picture OVERLOAD!

Ahhh, it was a good Halloween :)

Now please click!

Start spreading the news!

2010-11-05T08:06:00.001-05:00

Because I was in New York, New York!

It is a fabulous city with many sites to see and things to do. I must admit, I did not get to do or see much (that whole working thing got in the way), but what I did see and do was AWESOME.

I did the obligatory stuff - walked through central park, saw the lights in Time's Square, ate a vendor hot dog, rode the subway and prayed for my life during several cab rides.

During my trip I have two favorites. The first was seeing The Addams Family on Broadway with Nathan Lane as Gomez and Bebe Neuwirth as Morticia. Yes, I said Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth. I have to admit that I was pretty star struck when they walked out onto the stage - I really could not believe they were standing right in front of me! For the record, the show was absolutely amazing and oh so funny. It was a great choice and I am so happy I was able to go.

The second thing was I got to hang out with Ingrid from Avery and Me. Yes I am bragging. And yes, you should be extremely jealous. That woman and I downed an entire pitcher of Sangria - on a weeknight. It was delicious. She is super fun and I am so glad we got the chance to meet up!

The rest of my time in NYC was filled with studying, test taking and classes...I will spare you from the boring details.

Oh yes, I would totally share pictures...but my lame ass took maybe one. I think it may be the Brooklyn Bridge...but I am not sure. Haha!

Please clicky this little button too - I like to stay in the running :)

Tales from the bathroom...

2010-11-04T07:41:00.004-05:00

Well, this is long overdue.

You all stuck with me throughout my unemployment and were so supportive. You were all so excited when I got my offer and when I took my first steps into the building on my first day of work. So, you all deserve to know how it has been going!

I consider myself to be a competent person...a bright person as well. But, apparently it takes more than one lawyer to figure out how to navigate the bathroom at my new gig.

It is a newer bathroom - with automatically flushing toilets. Now, being a new girl I do not want to draw attention to myself, but apparently the toilet was not in on this ideal because every stinkin' (no pun intended) time I went into the stall the toilet would flush automatically - every single time I moved. My new co-workers were probably wondering why the fed had hired a girl "bathroom" issues that require non-stop flushing of the toilet.

OMG!
My next problem came when it was time to wash my hands. Not wanting to look around the bathroom like a lost school kid, I quickly got my hands wet and used the pump on the wall, rubbed my hands together and rinsed. I did notice that this particular soap was not lathering very well...but who am I to criticize the fed's bathroom soap choices?

This went on for about a week and I continued to use my non-lathering soap to wash my hands each and every day. It wasn't until I saw a co-worker use the pump next to the faucet to wash her hands that I realized...my dumbass had been using the lotion pump on the wall to wash my hands. Winner, winner chicken dinner. Yup, that's me.

As if I didn't have enough issues with the bathroom - fate just wanted to toss me one more. Now, I am your typically two-paper-towel-hand-dryer. I do not think that just one paper towel can do the job without me wiping my damp hands on my pants (apparently doing so is not very professional). I suppose the Fed was with me on this one. Perhaps a bit too with me. Every time I go to get a paper towel in the bathroom it is like I have just won the paper towel jackpot! I got not one, not two, not even three, but like the whole damn package of paper towels all in one pull.

God the rainforest hates me.

So, I suppose you should know, work is going well. Everyone is really nice. I am very likely known as the girl with flush requiring bathroom problems with really soft hands who hates mother earth.

Good first impression, right?!

No she didn't!

2010-11-03T20:46:00.000-05:00

Yes she did! I have no shame...nominations are appreciated :)

I'm going to get political on you for a moment...

2010-11-03T18:41:00.000-05:00

Well, as political as I find it appropriate on my blog. My lack of drama may disappoint you. If so, I apologize in advance.

I am a committed voter. I not only consider it my civic duty, but I also enjoy the fact that I have a part in choosing who will represent me in the political realm. I very typically leave the voting booth excited and proud that I live in this country.

This time I did not feel that way.

I went into the booth knowing that I was voting for a candidate who I considered to be the lesser of two evils. Knowing that I was voting for this person because I would vote for ANYONE just to make sure "that other guy" didn't win. As an aside, I am considering leaving the state if "that other guy" does in fact win. Yes, I am serious.

In sum, I left the polls feeling unfulfilled and, quite frankly, very disappointed. I feel pretty safe saying that many people probably have a similar feeling.

I would love to get all idealistic on you all by saying that next time the fire will be lit again, but I cannot say that. That would require providing me with candidates that are in touch with the people, not candidates that can "win". I would like candidates that have any sort of idea what it is like to live in the real world and who know what it is like to have nothing and no resources. I would like candidates who quit endorsing those horrible ads we all must endure on tv for months and months - especially when those ads contain very little truth.

You know, this would all be much better if my state had just ripped off the damn band-aid and provided us with a new governor. But no. We are going into a recount.

Lovely.

signed,
A jaded voter...

Lawyer's fly first class right? - Part Duex

2010-10-30T13:30:00.000-05:00

As you may recall from my past travel adventures, although most would assume lawyers fly first class...they do not. Or at least this one doesn't.

I spent the past week in the exciting, busy and crazy city of New York where I spent the majority of my time learning the ins and outs of the banking industry - thrilling, I know. There was so much to see and do that I highly doubt I experienced even a quarter of what the city has to offer. But, my adventures in the NYC are best left for another post. Today's post is reserved for what happens to me in an airport.

When the more seasoned examiners at work told me "when we are ready to leave, we are ready to leave" I did not understand. Before heading to New York I was actually pretty bummed to not have more time to spend sight seeing and the like. But when Thursday night rolled around I could not pack my bags for my next day check-out quickly enough. I wanted to come home. Bad. Luckily my friend and co-worker felt the same. So we devised a plan to catch an earlier flight home. We had it all set up - car ride to Newark and all.

Problem number one began as we eagerly awaited to speak to the ticketing agent at the airport. It seems as though Delta decided to cancel the first flight to Minneapolis of the day - meaning they bumped everybody to the second flight (our desired flight) selling it out in record time. So, there we were, at the airport at 11:00 am...for our 6:30 pm flight.

I was not pleased.

But, that is what you get when you gamble with the airlines...so we went through security, got some magazines and snacks and then went to the bar for some lunch...and some much needed alcohol.

It is never a good thing to see the airport you are sitting inside on the "breaking news" section of the TV - for a bomb scare. Naturally the TVs were not turned up so we couldn't figure out what was going on. Thanks to my special friend google - we were able to figure out that we were "safe"...or at the very least not being evacuated.

After several more hours of sitting around doing nothing but witnessing the conduct of airport goers, my friend Allison and I decided to make some rules that should be abided by when at the airport....

Rule #1: Do not use the speakerphone function of your cell phone in public. Nobody wants to hear your conversation. And no, you do not look cool for knowing how to use speakerphone. Turn the damn thing off.

Rule #2: If you are going to wear a shirt as a skirt, I highly recommend wearing pants or leggings - not tights. If you still chose to wear tights, please for the love of god do not crouch down legs spread to look at stuff on your friend's computer. Seriously.

Rule #3: If you are a pilot for an airline, it is highly recommended that you show up to work on time. No, getting stuck in the Holland Tunnel is not an excuse, as even a first timer to New York knew enough to ask when the hell to get out of Manhattan to get to Newark on time.

Rule #4: After the flight attendant's fifth announcement that all closed overhead bins are full, please do open each and every overhead bin in your vicinity looking for space for your bag - THEY ARE EFFING FULL!

*sigh* I do believe we got a little punchy.

Well, after 12 hours, we did finally make it home. Now, I can write delta about my pilot issues...but if one of you happens to see the chick in the god awful shirt/tights combo, will you point her towards my blog post? TIA.

I have started this post many, many times.

2010-10-19T17:35:00.000-05:00

Blogging has been difficult as of late. It isn't that I don't have stories to share or jokes to tell - it is simply that when I finally find the time to sit down at my computer for a minute the words just don't come. I know what I want to say, but my fingers are not hitting the right keys and my words cannot seem to express my thoughts.

Perhaps this is what they call writer's block.

Or possibly this is the result of me living in survival mode in an attempt to adjust to my new life as a working (and traveling) mom.

Whatever it is, I decided to spare you from a wonky post and give you just a slight explanation as to my absence instead.

Oh trust me, there are things to come. You haven't heard about my bathroom mishaps at work or my first work trip out of town. Plus there are some Sunday Funnies to be had.

I guess what I am saying is - don't quit reading or checking up on me quite yet. This old gal still has some blogging in her blood.

Back away from the juniors section!

2010-10-11T09:42:00.000-05:00

I must be young at heart or something, because every time I flip through an ad or walk through a department store, the women's section looks like something my mother would wear (no offense mom) and the junior's department looks like something right up my alley.

This all works out wonderfully in my head - I see a super cute sweater or some jeans. The style is young and cute. I pick up the clothes and walk towards the dressing room...

...this is where the junior's department stops working for me.

I could not properly fit in those clothes if I lost 80 pounds. I have these things called hips and boobs...things the clothing makers presume a junior would not have. The result is that every time I convince myself that I would look ADORABLE in an outfit from the junior's section is that I have love handles spilling out of my pants and a section of the shirt across the center of my boobs that was obviously intended to be around my waist.

It is not adorable - it is a disaster.

So next time I am waltzing through Kohls - remind me that I belong in my mother's clothing section - okay?!

It is the worst

2010-10-07T07:15:00.000-05:00

Nothing feels more helpless than the inability to take away the discomfort your child experiences when sick. If only you could explain that it will not be forever and that everything will be okay. If only that stupid tylenol would do SOMETHING!

Nikolai got sick - not just a runny nose and a cough sick, I am talking sick, sick.

It all started about a month ago when Nikolai just wasn't acting quite right. Knowing I was going to start work in just over a week, we decided to take Nikolai to Urgent Care so that we could be sure he was a-okay. Well, the kid had an ear infection. It was not too bad, so we got an antibiotic to put the kibosh on the bad ears.

Two weeks later, Nikolai came down with a fever high enough that we had to keep him out of daycare. When his fever hit 102 we decided to take him in to urgent care - again. Not only was the ear infection not gone, but now poor Nikolai had a double ear infection. Again, in an attempt to put the kibosh on the bad ears, we put Nikolai on a different antibiotic.

All looked peachy until the next weekend when we were awakened by Nikolai moaning in his sleep. I put my hand on his little forehead and he felt like he was on fire. I quickly picked him up and took his temperature. It was 104.3. I got Anwar out of bed and he gave Nikolai some tylenol while I drew a bath. We got it down under 102, but I was freaked out enough that I slept with Nikolai in the living room for the rest of the night.

This led to our third trip to urgent care (our kid likes to get sick on the weekend - what can I say). The ear infection was still not gone - in other words, no kiboshing was had. We were given our third antibiotic in a month and instructed to bring Nikolai back if he got a fever of 103 or higher that we could not get down.

How fortuitous. That very same night we dragged Noelle out of bed at 10 pm so we could take Nikolai to the ER because his fever had been at 104.5 for four hours.

The poor kid, who only wanted to sleep, had to endure a pretty poorly performed blood draw and being strapped down to a table for an xray. The ER docs were convinced Nikolai had pneumonia. He got yet another antibiotic via injection and we were instructed to keep him on the antibiotic he had just been given a few hours before at urgent care.

The next two nights entailed me rocking my child as he whimpered in discomfort from the fever we could barely keep under control. I felt horrible that I could do nothing but keep repeating: "I'm sorry, it will be okay."

A follow up visit to our regular pediatrician (thank goodness) revealed that the radiologist found no signs of pneumonia. Our pediatrician agreed and said that Nikolai had a horrible virus that prevented him from getting rid of the ear infection. Unfortunately, nothing but time could take that away.

Thankfully, Nikolai is on the mend. The fever is gone, the appetite is returning and I am getting my sweet little boy back.

Nikolai must have put the kibosh on his illness all by himself. I could tell he was feeling better when I saw him clapping for the contestants on wheel of fortune :)

I would like you all to take note...

2010-10-05T13:31:00.000-05:00

of the new ticker located a little ways down in my right sidebar...go ahead and go look. I'll wait.

Did you see it?! No, I am not talking about either of the birthday tickers. Do you need to look again? I'll wait.

Yes, that is right. I am feeding the obsession and introducing said obsession to Nikolai (Noelle is already well acquainted with said obsession). If you haven't looked at the damn ticker yet, then I will just tell you...

WE ARE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!

In just about four months I will hit the happiest place on earth with My husband, children, my sister and her family, my mom and grandma and likely my other siblings as well!! We got a steal of a deal too.

I am super excited.

Carry on.

Total abandonment

2010-10-04T07:20:00.001-05:00

I have no idea why, but for whatever reason working seems to have given me an excuse to totally abandon my good eating habits. Since when do I eat candy bars in the middle of the day? And the diet coke...it flows freely.

So not only do I sit on my ass for 9 + hours a day instead of chasing Nikolai around the house, but I also insist on stuffing that same fat ass full of unnecessary calories and sugar. Now, as my recent encounters with accounting have confirmed, I am no mathematician. But, I do know inactivity + crap food = fat ass.

The cafeteria at work does not help. That place is FULL of delicious treats and calorie packed lunch options. I am in no way kidding when I tell you that the first thing you see when you walk into that horrible place is a selection of desserts. What a-holes. They also have barbacoa...that crap is effing fantastic in my mouth - not so much on my hips. This place is no good. But I frequent it. Like I said - fat ass.

The goal for today: avoid the sweets.
The goal for tomorrow: quit the diet coke cold turkey and replace it with water.
The goal for each day after that: bring your own damn lunch and snacks to work - the cafeteria is dead to you now. Dead.

I would give you my weight, but I am way too afraid to step on the scale so I don't even know myself.

Go Gophers!

2010-10-02T08:42:00.000-05:00

Our family has a bit of maroon and gold in our blood. So we excitedly look forward to homecoming at the U of MN every year. This year was no exception - and fun times were had. Great food, face painting, great family and an awesome parade (minus the punk kids next to us...that story to come). Now if only our enthusiasm would lead to a gopher football win...yeah right, lol!

The time has come.

2010-09-30T06:42:00.000-05:00

I am getting old.

No really, I am getting old because I am looking old...or at least older. I have crows feet, my hairline is not what it used to be (thank you Nikolai), I have bags under my eyes, my teeth are not as white as they once were and my skin - my lovely freckled skin - has a very uneven tone.

So, the time has come. To start using foundation.

That's right, I have never really used foundation. Ever. Yes, I am nearly 30 years old and have owned fewer than 5 bottles of foundation. Usually I ended up tossing the bottle after 1 year or so of not using it. I suppose it would be most appropriate to say that I have only used foundation when absolutely necessary (e.g. my wedding day).

My lack of foundation experience combined with my general inability to do anything cosmetically related (read this as hair and make-up) means that I am probably in for it. I am deathly afraid of being one of those women that makes other women cringe because of the stark line between the foundation on my face and the real color of my skin on my neck. I am also afraid of picking the wrong kind and breaking out in blemishes like a 12 year old (hey, it would go well with my ID Badge pic, right!).

Plus, how am I supposed to know what to use? There is powder, cream, a mix of powder and cream, sticks, sponges, compacts, bottles...how is a novice supposed to figure all this out without dropping a ton of moolah at the department store make-up counter?

I need to contract with covergirl or something so that I can be the "real face" of their ads. I mean, if their stuff works on me then it would be a marketing smash (or at least it is in my head).

All in all, it is time. I will kiss my 1 minute make-up routine of eyeliner and mascara goodbye and take my chances with the foundation...

I am sure pics will come showing my clown-like face post foundation application.

Here comes the bride...and Anne.

2010-09-28T06:09:00.000-05:00

I anticipated with much excitement the wedding of two of my good law school friends this past weekend. I knew what I was going to wear (yes, minus the shapewear that caused such a scene last time around). I had babysitters arranged. I had a gift and purchased wrapping paper last minute. Everything was ready to go!

Saturday was busy. The plan was to help my dad move, quickly come home and get ready, wrap the gift and then head out to the wedding.

We got home early from moving so all was going even better than I had planned. So I used the extra time to make out the card to the happy coupld with great care. Then I went to go wrap the gift - we were out of scotch tape. O.U.T. Out. So I did what any normal person would do...I wrapped a wedding gift with masking tape.

What a debacle.

I figured that was our misstep of the day and just moved along.

We were both ready to go on time (which is unusual for Anwar) and this made me really happy. As many of you know, I don't do late and had planned enough time to get to the ceremony, park and get comfortably inside.

The sitters were a few minutes late. It took us a few minutes longer than expected to get out of the house and, naturally, we could not find a place to park. I don't do late.

We finally got to the chapel and hurried inside to avoid walking in at an awkard time.

We should have waited a bit longer.

You see, normally a procession goes:

bridesmaids/groomsmen,

maid of honor/best man,

bride

Oh no, no. This time the processional went:

bridesmaids/groomsmen,

maid of honor/best man,

Anne and Anwar,

Bride.

I think I was about seven shades of red when I hit the nearest available seat. I would say I hope nobody noticed, but we sort of walked down the aisle in place of the bride. What a debacle.

Well, the bride and the groom looked amazing - the wedding was gorgeous - everyone was so, so happy - and all turned out well.

Minus the part where I may have set off the "here comes the bride" music and wishing I would have asked for a video taped response to the happy couple's realization that I wrapped their gift with masking tape, the wedding was far, far from a debacle.

Just jinxed myself.

2010-09-27T18:37:00.000-05:00

It was not long ago that a tooted my own horn for remembering to send Noelle to school with hair done and outfit pressed on picture day.

Well, that was all un-done when I walked my snot-nosed kid into daycare today and saw the big "TODAY IS PICTURE DAY" sign.

::sigh::

At least his shirt was sort of clean....

Reality revisited.

2010-09-27T06:50:00.001-05:00

Days are long. No really, they are very long.

Remember last week when I said that I was so stoked I could join my employer's in house gym and life was all roses and candy?

Yeah, well, a lot can change in a week,

Maybe it was when I was dropping off Nikolai at daycare before it was light outside. Or maybe it was when Nikolai was the last baby left at daycare when I picked him up. Or maybe it was when I picked Noelle up from school age care a mere 15 minutes before the place closed down.

Maybe it was all of the above that led me to realize that I cannot justify spending - at a minimum - an additional 45 minutes a day at work.

I theory cramming in a workout session at the incredibly cheap gym sounds awesome and exciting. I am sure for many people it really is awesome and exciting - just not for me. I would much rather be fat my entire life so that I can spend time with my kids while they grow up. So I can be there to check homework and take baths. So I can sit with them during dinner and laugh with them at some lame funniest home video television show.

To me, running is not worth the few hours I have with my kids every day.

No worries, I do not need to choose between fat and kids. I just need to rethink why I started running and what I can still do to get to that goal.

I want to be thin. I want to be in good shape. I want to be that 70 year old who can run down the street without issue.

I do not need to run to do this. So, I am starting back up the good ol' 30 Day Shred because it is something I can do after the kids go to bed and is not dependant on sunlight or good weather. I also want to check out the Kettle Ball stuff because it looks awesome.

Working moms can work out - how that work out happens just needs to be creative :)

Sunday Funny: Stolen.

2010-09-26T08:51:00.000-05:00

I stole this Sunday Funny. Totally stole it. Stole it right off of Mom-in-a-Million's blog. Thank you for giving me a fantastic laugh.

For the first time in a long time...

2010-09-24T18:02:00.000-05:00

I can say TGIF.

When I stayed at home every day was basically the same and it was difficult to distingish between the weekend and a weekday. The best thing about the weekend was that Anwar and Noelle were home all day - giving me someone else to talk to besides my 1 year old.

Now, after leaving the house each day this week, I know that tomorrow morning I do not need to get up at 6:00 a.m. I do not need to leave the house by 6:45 a.m. (at the latest, really that is too late). I do not need to put on make-up and a messy bun is entirely acceptable - as are my flip flops.

I know that the weekend is for cherishing time with my kids and husband, as this week has certainly proved I will be gone all but a few hours of awake time a day. I know that the weekends will be the only time I have to grocery shop and see my friends.

I have likewise learned that the weekend will be the best time for blogging, as you likely could see from my rambling, error ridden, non-sensical posts were during the week.

I will learn to go with the flow a bit more, but that is for later. Today, all I have to say is TGIF :)

Sooo, you want to know about my job do you??

2010-09-23T07:56:00.000-05:00

I think I may go blind. No, really.

When I graduated from law school I put the law books up on the shelf with a smirk because I knew I would never have to open them ever again. I was fully aware that my every day job would require me to read cases and statutes, to review documents and write lengthy memoranda, but those law books - with their legalese and never-ending ramblings about nothing, would be closed forever. To me, reading to learn is much different (and much more difficult) than reading to discover needed information.

Well, new job, new area of expertise and many, many new things to learn. I have been reading all day and anticipate that this will be the case for the next few weeks until I get a bit more experience under my belt. So yes, although I have 20/20 vision I may go blind.

Besides that things are going well. Everyone is really nice, I think I am going to enjoy the work, it feel really nice to be employed and I have blisters.

That last one may not seem like a good thing, but to me it means I have an excuse to go out and buy new shoes :)

Shoe suggestions are so welcome.

Intimidation

2010-09-22T07:40:00.000-05:00

A good friend of mine compared going to your first day of work to going to your first day of school. She is so, so right.

The air has a certain smell to it, the outfit is chosen with such precision and your wake-up time is oh so early because the feelings of anticipation and nervousness do not permit sleep.

I was a bundle of nerves on my first day of work. I wanted to be sure I did not spill coffee all over myself. I wanted to be sure I had nothing stuck in between my teeth. I wanted to look professional and confident...but most importantly, I wanted to look picture perfect.

Picture perfect because I could not help but notice the picture badges every employee sported around when I interview for my position. And, well, I do not have the best of luck with pictures that are driver's license like in nature. No luck at all.

So, I got up EXTRA early to do my hair. When I left the house my hair and make-up looked great. It was straight in the right places and curly in the right places. The fact that I desperately need a color and cut was not as noticeable...which is a good thing if you were wondering.

Because the day had just gone too well thus far, it started to rain. So, the perfectly done hair became not so perfect. I thought I had salvaged it and was still okay with my appearance when I walked into the building. I checked in and waited to be call for the dreaded badge picture.

I no longer had a mirror to scope myself out, so I trusted that the fine Federal Reserve Police would let me know if something was totally out of whack. I was even more confidant when the officer said that it was pretty good.

I proudly clipped my badge onto my pants and went out to the lobby. It was then that I realized that because of my picture I would forever look like a total and complete asshat. That's right, an asshat. My makeup is great and my hair is nice...except for that random piece of hair that made a tiny circular curl right in the middle of my forehead. Smack.In.The.Middle.

What kind of nearly thirty year old attorney has a little kid looking curl in the middle of their forehead?! Well, this one apparently. Now instead of sort of looking like I am 12...I really look like I am 12. 12 with bad hair.

Now, for the rest of my days at the Fed, I plan to turn my badge backwards to avoid looking like an asshat.

I am tired...

2010-09-21T08:36:00.002-05:00

Too tired to write a witty, entertaining, informative and concise blog post. So instead, please enjoy some soccer pictures of Noelle.

Noelle is such a rock star. Love her.

I promise I will tell you all about my first day of work and the adventures that go along with it...just not right now.

Stay tuned people!

Reality

2010-09-20T07:01:00.000-05:00

I do not run in the dark. Maybe it is all those episodes of Criminal Minds and Dateline, but nothing good can come of a woman running by herself in the dark down a poorly lit street. Nothing.

The darkness was never a problem when I started running because I had ALL DAY to go out and run. Never once did I have to go out when it was even remotely close to dark. Now, I will leave for work early in the morning and return just in time to make dinner.

Reality is, it will be dark when I leave for work.

Reality is, it will be dark when I get home from work.

Reality is, even with a dual income, we cannot afford a gym membership.
I wrote that late last week. I was ready to tell you all that 5K's would not likely come to fruition because I would not have a time to train. I was also ready to tell you that I would be seeing a whole lot more of Jillian Michaels.

But...

I heard through the grapevine that I have access to a fitness center at my new place of employment that I can use 24 hours a day.

[insert enthusiastic shouts here]

So, now reality is, I can work, workout, be a wife and be a mom.

Now, reality is that I can still pursue my running.

Now, reality is, that I can still pursue taking the FAT out of McFatty - and, of course, out of myself.

Wish me luck everybody because today is my very first day of work in a long, long time.

Not only do I daydream...

2010-09-17T07:18:00.000-05:00

but I am extremely forgetful too. Now, when it comes to the most random, nerdy, useless piece of information out there, I will remember that when I am 90 and senile. Remembering to pick up the dry cleaning...now that is a different story.

Being unemployed this past year has increased the instances of forgetfulness.

When I was employed I kept the most OCD, Type-A, super detailed calendar you have ever seen. It was to the point where I calendared when I should start working on something to have it complete by the statutory deadline. Yes, I am that big of a nerd.

But, when I lost my job I lost my beloved calendar. I still keep a calendar at home, but when you are not staring at it for 8 hours a day, the impact is not the same.

Thus, I began to forget. Did you call the vet today? Nope. I forgot. Did you make that doctor's appointment? Nope. Forgot. Did you mail off that bill? Nope. I forgot again.

Usually my instances of forgetfulness were easily fixed - no big deal. But, there is one thing I forgot that I still feel bad about.

School pictures. I forgot my daughter's school pictures. I would have entirely forgotten them had Noelle not come home and said: "today was picture day." ::headdesk::

Just as a reminder, if I do not do my daughter's hair, this is what it looks like....

Yeah... needless to say we did not order those pictures, lol!

This year I was on my game! This picture day I was READY. I am proud to say this is how she looked that day...

(note that her hair was down during the school day...but it got a bit frizzy by 3pm)

She looked great :) Go mom, er, me!

Oops.

2010-09-16T08:54:00.000-05:00

I am a daydreamer. I sit at my desk, in front of tv, at the dinner table and, well, anywhere and drift off into a land of upcoming events, bills to be paid, fond (or not so fond) memories and what to eat for dinner that night.

There, quite frankly, is nothing wrong with a running mind. I am creative (except for when it comes to baking), I tend to think of possible outcomes so I avoid undesired ones and I usually have a pretty good handle on what is for dinner that night (usually).

The problem is, all this daydreaming causes me to do and say some pretty random things.

Yes, I was totally the girl in class who was only semi-listening to the instructor but still found it necessary to raise my hand and "contribute" to the discussion. I say "contribute" because often I would not be talking about what everyone else was talking about. Like the time in Crim Law class I started rambling about whether the defendant had an adequate level of intent...I should have known to stop when the professor started staring at me blankly because we were not talking about intent, we were talking about something entirely different.

Oops. Random.

I was also in the car with my sister one day driving to my mom's house. We were talking about our classes and school and I suddenly started talking about going to California. My sister stared at me (much like my professor) and asked how I went from discussing our Chicano Studies course to talking about going to San Diego....well a plane flew overhead...duh! Unfortunately, the plane had passed many minutes prior and I was just daydreaming about leaving the frigid weather.

I know, I know. Oops, random.

The worst was recently in an interview when I started daydreaming while the interviewer was telling me more about the position. I had no idea how long had passed when I "snapped out" of my thoughts over what I would do with my paycheck if I were to get the job. This time, however, I saved myself from randomness and decided asking any questions regarding the specifics of the position were probably going to be seen as random.

Good call...because I got that job, haha!

Someone remind me that I should refrain from daydreaming during my training.

Mom fail.

2010-09-14T07:59:00.001-05:00

Noelle has always been the type of child that wants to please me. In fact, my mother has said that Noelle is actually afraid to displease me.

Now, this is a good thing in some ways. Noelle is obedient, Noelle thinks of consequences before acting and Noelle is a good kid because she wants to make sure I am happy with what she has done. On the other hand, always trying to please your parent can be a bad thing.

Yesterday was a very good example of a "bad thing."

Noelle went school shopping with my mom and grandma last month. I was very thankful for this because finances did not really allow for new school clothes. Noelle, being the independent eight year old that she is, wanted to pick out her own outfit. She picked out a dress with little leggings underneath. The dress has pink horizontal stripes on top and a brown/pink floral pattern on the bottom. I do not like this outfit. I think it is ugly. I, of course, never said to Noelle that I did not like this outfit. Instead, when she would suggest it for the next day's outfit I would simply ask if she was sure she wanted to wear it.

Well. I suck and kids are smart.

Sunday night Noelle suggested this dress for her Monday outfit. I again asked if she was sure and she said yes. The next morning Noelle came out into the living room wearing some random cut off jeans and a tank top. I looked at her said her outfit was not school appropriate and asked why she wasn't wearing her dress.

She looked up at me and said "because you don't like it."

I wanted to cry because I felt like such a jerk. The poor thing values my opinion so much that she did not want to wear a dress that she really liked because she could tell I did not. What a crappy thing to do to her.

I told her to go put on her dress and finish getting ready for school. Before she walked out the door I told her that she looked really cute...as if that would somehow make up for me being such an a-hole.

My daughter is no longer a newborn, an infant or a toddler. She understands what I am saying even though I don't come out and say it. So over something as stupid as a dress...I need to keep my mouth shut.

Mom fail.

The things we fat people do to ourselves...

2010-09-13T07:31:00.000-05:00

I will admit it, I wear slimming undergarments. Not spanx specifically, but I tend to like anything that makes me look, well, less fat.

I swear if you could only see me get ready for a night out. Here is an example of a recent one:

The outfit: the little black dress.
The event: a wedding.
The locale: a super swanky country club in an exclusive lake area town.
The slimmer of choice: I don't recall the name, but it covers every square inch from just below the chest to just above the knee.

The problem(s): Unexpected sickness and static cling.

The result: my rushing Nikolai to urgent care, to the pharmacy, then back home to my sister. Then further rushing to get dressed, ready and out the door. My rushing causes me to toss on said slimmer, toss on said little black dress, toss on super duper high heels and book out the door. After my hour long commute to said wedding, I jump out of the car and begin to rush inside. Thankfully, I look down before getting too far from my car and notice that my dress is literally sticking to the slenderizing tool which was intended to go discretely underneath. Yeah, not so discrete. After unsuccessfully trying to maneuver my dress free from my legs, I hustled back to the car, hopped in the driver's seat, pulled off the slimmer and prayed my rolls would be less tacky than my static cling issue...

Yeah, I think I just need to be thinner...or get a less clingy little black dress. LOL!

Needless to say, I am hoping to lose some more weight. I have not inched a bit in the last couple of weeks. Hopefully I can get my butt in gear and change that this week.

Happy McFatty Monday everyone.

Sunday Funny: Idiot, huh?

2010-09-12T12:22:00.000-05:00

I think this person may want to consider who he is calling an idiot...

Spelling fail!

Would you like to hear the news?

2010-09-10T09:21:00.000-05:00

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

I got a job.

Yay!!!!!!!!

I have known for just over a week that the Federal Reserve wanted to hire me, but I waited to spill the beans to you all until I passed my background check and was given a confirmed offer. I am making slightly more annually than I was at my old job, the benefits are so much better that there is not even a comparison, I will be done paying my student loans in 10 years and I will be working with two very great friends at a job I believe I will love.

I really do not think I could have tolerated the self-esteem buster otherwise known as unemployment without my family and my friends. Seriously. They all worked really hard to keep me sane, pass out my resume like mad and most importantly stuck around on my good days AND bad. This job is courtesy of just that. A special thanks to Liane for this one :)

All in all, I did not have it as bad as some unemployed people do. I have an awesome husband who brought home a paycheck and carried our health insurance. I also got paid (by unemployment) to be a SAHM for an entire year. Although I a job as a SAHM is a job I do not want, am thrilled to no longer have and complained about constantly, I do recognize how cool it is that I got to see every single one of Nik's milestones this year - something I never got to see with Noelle.

Starting soon, I will get to see both my kids off to school and daycare while I head back into the working world. Noelle is beyond excited to see her friends in her after school program and I know Nikolai will have a world of fun with his new friends at the daycare center...the center that took such good care of Noelle when she was little!

Thanks for reading about my unemployment woes! You will read them no more and will probably get something about me with a baseball bat in an empty field with a copy machine instead ;)

Yay!

I am a judging fool.

2010-09-09T08:07:00.000-05:00

Up until this last year, I was never once in my life unemployed by force. In fact, since I was 14 years old, I continuously had a job - yes continuously. I took off nine months when I started law school, but hopped right back into the workforce as soon as my first summer hit.

I could certainly understand the challenges of finding that "first" job once out of school, whether it be undergrad or graduate school. I reasoned that once you had a job and some experience to rely on that finding subsequent employment would be no big deal.

Now, in the past, I'd heard of people being laid off for lengthy periods of time. First, I never thought this would be me (I suppose this is like assuming nothing bad will ever happen to you). But second, I assumed that those who had been laid off for a long time and could not find work were either not looking hard enough or were not very good at their chosen profession.

God, I am such a jerk.

Maybe this is where karma came back to get me, but I can almost guarantee that people have thought I am not looking hard enough or that I am a bad lawyer to not be able to find a job. I mean, you should see the looks on people's faces when I tell them that the market in Minnesota is horrible for attorneys...they think my reasoning is total fugazi. Perhaps they think that I am being fugazi as well. That is certainly what I thought of others.

Well, I can assure that I have been looking very hard and you bet your ass I am a fantastic attorney. So, while my "reasoning" may be true for a certain percentage of unemployed persons, it was absolutely asinine of me to assume my reasoning applied to all those unemployed for a long period of time.

Reality bites. And that reality is that many highly educated, highly skilled and highly motivated people are without work. I supposed I had to become one of them to realize it.

Since I do not want to leave you with such a deep wallowing thought today - here is a video my husband sent me that I play over and over because it makes me smile :)

Did you know I am totally unoriginal?

2010-09-08T11:26:00.000-05:00

Really, I am. I have no original or creative thoughts when it comes to baking. I am a complete novice. In fact, you probably recall that when it comes to anything in the kitchen, I am pretty bad.

With all this in mind, I decided to copy a few bloggers...namely Kludgy Mom, Three Pugs & A Baby and In Pursuit of Martha Points. These bloggers made my super cool list when they made the Rainbow Cake. Yes, that cake is so cool that it deserves italics. This cake, as you will see, is a huge stack of different colored layers with delicious butter cream frosting between each vibrant color. It looks cool.

Once I saw the masterpiece known as the Rainbow Cake I decided I must attempt it. After all, if I can make a cake look even remotely like Mickey Mouse, I can make a cake with different colors in it, right?

My brother, who really does not like cake, had a birthday coming up, so even though he did not want a cake, I made it for me him anyway.

I purchased gel food coloring, six disposable cake pans (because honestly people, I am such a disaster in the kitchen that I don't even own cake pans), and the ingredients listed here. And, because I am likely one of the laziest people you will ever meet, I purchased a few cans of frosting as opposed to making my own.

I easily followed the directions to whip up the white cake. I probably coasted a little too confidently, as I separated all 5 egg whites over the same container...I mean really? A novice would likely dump a yolk in on egg number 5 and have to start over. Lady luck must have been looking out for me because I did not get a single yolk into my pretty egg whites.

Now, to get 6 different colored layers, you have to bake the cake in 6 different pans. You are supposed to weigh them so your layers are precise and even...or I would presume measure them at the very least. I did neither. Again, I am lazy. I just poured out a bunch into each bowl and figured it was close enough, lol! All 6 layers baked really well and I let them cool in the fridge for a few hours.

After frosting...would you like to see the result?...

I think it turned out pretty well! My frosting skills need ~~a ton~~ a little work, but otherwise it looks very pretty :)

Oddly enough, for a person who does not do so hot in the kitchen, I really like baking. It is a creative process with nearly immediate results/satisfaction. So if this lawyer thing doesn't pan out, maybe I could be a baker...or maybe not :)

If you are wondering...it tasted amazing!

Third Grade.

2010-09-07T08:53:00.000-05:00

My kiddo is getting so big! I remember when I used to have to help her tie her shoes and button her pants. I remember when I had to buckle her in a car seat so we could get to school. This morning, she did it all on her own. She even remembered things that I forgot. Although, I wish one of us would have remembered to bring the camera on Noelle's first day of third grade. Well, at least my cell phone had a camera.

Yay for my third grader!

Excuses

2010-09-06T08:05:00.000-05:00

This one bite won't hurt.

I am too tired to run right now.

If I try to run, Nikolai will cry.

It is too hot/cold/wet outside.

I already messed up my diet today, I will start over tomorrow.

I can eat this just for today only.

Nothing I do matters anyway.

Excuses.

I have been full of them lately. I have not been eating well. I have not been keeping up with my running. I need to do better.

I have no idea what it is, but I have this uncanny ability to rationalize my behavior - even when that behavior is totally and completely wrong. There have been many opportunities for me to run, all of which I have passed up. On the other hand, I have taken every opportunity to eat poorly.

When I was full force into eating properly and dealing with my cravings and urges, my doctor advised me find a mental image that I could think up every time I wanted to eat something that I should not be eating. A goal of sorts. I kept trying to picture my goal weight on the scale every time I got the urge to eat something bad. I would say it did not work so well. I suppose that perfect number was not enough for me to eat right. Problem was I could not think of anything else that would help me avoid my number one enemy (food).

So, my fat ass was driving down the road the other day and I saw a man running. He must have been at least 70. Notwithstanding his age, there he was jogging away down the road without any sort of problem. Then it hit me. That is what I want. I want to be 70 years old running down the road, not 70 years old struggling to get up a flight of stairs. That is my mental image. Not the old man...me. Me at 70 running down the road.

This week will be better. Excuses are lame. Plus, I will be too busy running to make them up.

Family Love

2010-09-03T13:23:00.000-05:00

We used to sing a song in church talking about how families would be together forever...when my siblings and I were younger I doubt we ever wanted that to come to fruition.

The phrase: "fight like siblings" comes to mind when I think about my childhood days with my two younger brothers and older sister. There is no doubt that we loved each other, but if you were to bring about the wrath of another sibling, you'd better run for cover and sleep with one eye open. We were mean. And god forbid you pissed off more than one sibling, because three against one is not good.

This reminds me of somethine we used to do to my poor little brother. For whatever reason he used really big words when he was about 10 or 11. The other three of us found this to be an entirely appropriate time to make fun of him day and night for it. I mean, when you younger brother uses the word "quite" on a frequent basis, you know the nerd patrol is coming out in full force. We used to call the poor kid "Watson" you know, Watson from Sherlock and Holmes? We would even toss out the english accent now and then and pretend we were drinking tea while saying something to the effect of: "Indubitably my dear Watson, indubitably!"

Now, my other little brother had issues. Issues the size of a truck...a tonka truck that is. That kid used to chase us around the house and throw his trucks at us. It hurt. Really bad. To avoid the pain, my sister ran away from him as he came at her with his truck. She tried to jump down the stairs to avoid getting struck with it. Yeah, not a very good idea. She broke her ankle. She should have just let herself get hit with the truck.

Despite our childhood cruelties, we somehow ended being pretty tight as adults. Although, I do sometimes miss calling my brother Watson.

Consider this a "get to know Anne" session

2010-09-02T09:28:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite people in real life, Ingrid over at Avery and Me, tagged me in a fun little blog game. She asked a few questions for me to answer and in return I will ask some questions of my fellow bloggers.

I felt this would be much more fun than hearing about my weight loss/eating/job woes. So here we go!

1. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Jamoca Almond Fudge from baskin robins. Unfortunately, I think there is one Baskin Robins in the entire state of Minnesota. It is nowhere near my house. In fact, this place has basically been taken over by Dairy Queen and so the ice cream options are not super abundant. No hate on DQ - I actually was addicted to their butterfinger blizzards when I was pregnant with Nikolai - but I just feel the need for some 31 flavors now and then. Moreover, DQ does not have REAL ice cream (they have some dairy concoction called "soft serve") so if I want REAL ice cream I need to haul my butt to St. Paul for some Grand Ol' Creamery. Yum. Fattening. But Yum.

2. What was the worst job you've ever had?

I worked at Baker's Square when I was 16 because those waitresses make bank ya know. Well, I was basically tossed out there with absolutely ZERO training, yet somehow expected to do everything right. I was getting cussed out by other waitresses and the management all the time. It did not help at all that I am probably the world's worst waitress. I could not walk ten steps without forgetting what exactly I was supposed to be doing. So the customers cussed me out too. Yeah, that job didn't last very long.

3. Best vacation you ever took?

When Noelle was just a baby my family took a trip to California - and yes, you know it is coming - to Disneyland. I was super concerned that I would not have any fun with an infant and that she in turn would not have fun either. I was so wrong. It was a blast. Noelle loved the parades and had so much fun on Dumbo and Pirates of the Caribbean. She also loved the ferris wheel and the princesses. It was so fun I have done it every year since (or at least I will use that as an excuse - because I am an addict).

4. What's your dream job/career?

Haha. Well. I would really love to be a County Attorney. It would mean lots of courtroom time and also mean I could provide a very meaningful public service. We all know where this conversation is going...

5. Who was your favorite teacher and why?

My crim pro professor in law school. He was fairly arrogant and was always putting on a show, but I learned SO MUCH from him. While I was frantically reviewing all the courses for the bar, I very confidently put crim pro on the backburner because I just remembered so much. Oh yes, there was a crim pro question on the bar - and I killed it.

So, to continue on this little game - here are some people who should answer MY questions:

Law Momma at Spilled Milk
Nicci at Changing the Universe
Champaigne Mom

Now for my questions:
1) Name a person you would like to meet (dead or alive) and why.
2) Where would you like to live and why?
3) Name your biggest regret.
4) Did any of your MASH game predictions ever come to fruition? (if you do not know what MASH is, we need to have a 13 year old girl style slumber party).

Happy Thursday!

Nothing to see here folks...

2010-09-01T09:27:00.000-05:00

No really. Nothing. If you want to read something by me, go here. You see, I am posting for the great KLZ at Taming Insanity today!

All these years and still fine as ever...

2010-08-31T11:13:00.000-05:00

I have no clue why I did not think of this man sooner. I swear the guy has not aged a bit since I was first captivated by his good looks and charm. Well, the charm may be wearing a little thin when you consider his name indicates that ladies love him.

That's right. I am talking about (::drool::) LL Cool J.

That's right, LL Cool J.

Now, LL Cool J released his first song when I was only 5 years old...so I really do not remember that (I grew up in a house full of Cats, Guys and Dolls, Beverly Sills and Phantom...not rap). But, I do remember in 1990 the Song Mama Said Knock you Out (which we still all sing when passive aggressively trying to tell someone to shut the hell up). And even LATER I recall the ~~body~~ man that went along with that song. He is FINE. Yes, I brought that word back from the '90s. FINE. Even the stupidly huge LL belt that he is wearing in the above picture does not detract from said fineness.

Now, he acts, raps and such. But who really cares? All I care to see is him. Preferably shirtless.

Enough with the words...just go back and look at the picture again.

Love LL Cool J.

Hey, who took my paci?!?

2010-08-30T07:39:00.001-05:00

Well, we are in the midst of taking away Nikolai's pacifier. It is tough. More than tough. It is sometimes torture.

You see, Nikolai has used his pacifier since birth to comfort him when he is sad, upset, distressed, frustrated, sick or unhappy. But now, now Nikolai must learn how to live without this form of comfort. He must learn that when her is upset, that he must find something else to make him feel better. I know that it is tough for him (and us) right now, but in the long run the absence of a pacifier will be much better for us all.

The funny thing is, my pacifier has been taken away as well. For years I have used food when I needed comforting. I have used food to take away the negativity from a bad day. I have used food to dull the pain of heartache. Unlike, Nikolai, however, there is nobody to take away the bad food. I have to take it away from myself. Like Nikolai, in the long run the absence of bad food will be much better for us all.

I would say I was 60% on my eating this week. Much better than last, but still could use some improvement. I did find myself eating when I wasn't hungry - like when I was nervous about my job interview. I also found myself eating just because of tradition (it was the state fair people, I think it was valid ;)). Finally, I found myself drinking - something I haven't done in over a month - because I felt like I deserved a good night out.

Taking away a source of comfort is a tricky and difficult thing to do. I know I CAN do it and I know it is beneficial to me and my family. So this week - let's aim for 70% on the eating :)

Maybe Nik and I can get rid of our pacis together.

Sunday Funny: Why I do McFatty Monday

2010-08-29T08:29:00.000-05:00

Yup. This pretty much sums it up.

And so it begins...

2010-08-26T12:18:00.000-05:00

The first time this happened, I laughed. The second time, I laughed again. Now, it is just a bit annoying. Boarding school, perhaps?

P.S.: this is what happens when you don't give Nikolai part of your lunch....

Here we go again!

2010-08-25T07:53:00.000-05:00

Who wants a Couch to 5K (C25K) update? I am sure you do, so here it goes!

I decided to be nice to myself and start the program from scratch. After all, I had not run for over two months and figured my endurance was shot and my muscles would not be ready to jump out and go. I did Week 1 Day 1 with Anwar on Saturday and Day 2 yesterday -- just me and the kiddos.

The bad things. I got tired more quickly than I expected. This tells me that I was right to start over (you know, endurance shot) and that I could not have handled trying to skip to week 6 or 7 like I had wanted. I likely would have quit out of frustration. Also, my kids WHINED like there was no tomorrow. "It's hot." "Are we done yet." "Mum, muuuuuuummmmm." (that last one is Nikolai). But, they got over it (with a little help from the animal crackers I so wisely stashed in the stroller).

The good things. My feet did not hurt. Yay! My feet did not hurt! I was halfway expecting them to start up (simply because I was being pessimistic) but they did great. Hooray for doctors who actually fix things! Also, I am FAST. Well, not fast, fast...but faster than I was last time I did C25K. I got much further in the same amount of time and I am proud of myself for that.

The best thing? For the first time in months when I saw a runner running down the street I did not think "that should be me," rather, I thought "that is me."

I am aiming for a 5K on October 30th! There are SEVERAL that day because of the holiday - so I just need to pick one and sign up! Yay for 5Ks and good feet :)

We can't be good at everything, right?!

2010-08-24T08:31:00.000-05:00

I have come to accept that there are some things in life that I will never perfect, or dare I say, I will be bad at some things. For example, I cannot sew to save my life. Seriously, go ask my mom about the smiley face hot pad I made in 7th grade home ec class. The smiley face's eyes were connected because I could not figure out how to lift the needle so the thread would not continue. It was a nice laugh for the whole family...until report card time.

While the sewing comes in at things Anne is BAD at, there are other things that fall into the mediocre category. You know, things that are not good or bad - they are just, well, nothing to be proud of or brag about. Here would be cutting things. Yes, with a knife. While I am a food chopping, package opening, paper cutting whiz at home - the same cannot be said at family gatherings or in public places. For some reason every time I leave the sanctity of my own home I cannot use a sharp object without cutting myself. Again, ask my family about the time I held up Thanksgiving dinner because I was at the ER getting my sliced open finger fixed. Or the time I put a screwdriver into my hand while trying to put batteries in a Christmas toy Noelle received. Yup, I am mediocre when it comes to sharp objects.

An area where I am unsure if I am bad or mediocre or just dumb is spelling. Trust me, I use spell check like it is going out of style. I cringe every time I look through handwritten school notes because I KNOW those words just are not right. I thought I was likely the world's worst speller...that is, until I saw this...

My sister called my laughing hysterically one day to talk about what was happening in her apartment parking lot. The apartment management had blocked off the lot so that they could put down parking stripes (which come in quite handy when, you know, parking). I could not figure out what was so funny until she sent me this picture:

That's right. All SEVEN signs put up by the management insisted that the lots would be "stripped" that day. I almost wondered if I should send over a person from Rick's Cabaret to help out....

So, you see, I am not a bad speller...I am a mediocre speller.

How fortuitous

2010-08-23T07:28:00.001-05:00

The foreshadowing in my previous posts was abundant. The lack of eating. The constant food cravings. The contemplation of giving up.

So, I did it. I cheated. At first it was an intentional cheat. I wanted my grandma's waffles before she left town. We actually made it so the only thing off my diet was the waffle itself - no big deal. Right?

I suppose I am the type that if you give me an inch I will take a mile. That one intentional cheat coupled with my lack of eating and overall discontent lead to an entire week of eating foods that I am not at all supposed to eat. I once ate an entire box of popsicles to avoid eating ice cream...which I eventually did eat anyway. I ate bread with honey on it. I ate a piece of cheesecake with my husband. I drank a bloody mary on my anniversary. I did not drink nearly enough water. Not surprisingly, my body is rebelling and can most certainly tell the difference. Headaches, upset stomach, sore muscles. I guess that just shows that I was doing the right thing and should continue to do the right thing.

So I have a renewed commitment to eating right. I have my fridge stocked full of food that I CAN eat so that I focus less on what I cannot eat. I purchased a new water bottle with a straw - because drinking from a straw is for some reason SO much easier than without - so that I get in my 64 oz minimum. And, taking some advice from you lovely ladies last week, I will go for an 80/20 approach. Meaning I will be very aggressive with my diet 80% of the time and simply do my best the other 20%. That is much more balanced than what I have been doing.

My weight did not go up or down this week. I am grateful for that because it probably should have gone up.

Also, despite my poor eating habits, I did do something really great. I have officially re-started the Couch to 5K program. Watch out runners! Here I come!

Sunday Funny: Run and tell that, homeboy!

2010-08-22T08:23:00.000-05:00

For those of you who have not seen this, it is funny. You will laugh. For those of you who have seen this. It is still funny. You will laugh again.

You're welcome.

I married the right guy...

2010-08-21T08:18:00.003-05:00

two years ago today.

I have never met a man who works so hard to make me happy and to support his family. Even on the days that he comes home from work completely exhausted, he will see me having a hard time and take over parenting duties. He comes home with chocolate (or these days sushi) just because he thinks I may want some. He is almost always right.

It hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows - and won't always be in the future either. But we have learned to get through the toughest of times together and come out on top. In fact, the times when I feel closest to him are the times that we realize we are up against the world but know that we still have each other.

He always has the right thing to say when I am having a tough day or a tough time. When we discovered my unemployment was basically done he told me: "I know things are looking bleak right now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We just have to keep chasing it." Instead of giving up in frustration, he found a way to make it work.

I truly believe I met and married my soul mate - I cannot imagine spending my life with anyone but him.

When he proposed to me he recited a poem he'd written - and I think it holds true today:

As individuals, preservation of self is our greatest desire. But it is only when we can transcend the needs of ourselves and consider those of another that we truly live.

Here's to transcendence forever more

Happy anniversary, Anwar.

The Carousel...A Tear Filled Saga

2010-08-20T08:25:00.000-05:00

Since we celebrated Nikolai's birthday early, I figured we should do something special on his actual birthday. I had planned an outing which included lunch with Anwar, the zoo and...the very special first carousel ride.

Lunch was nice (very good Vietnamese food), but the rest of the day did not go quite as planned.

It was crappy outside. By crappy I mean it was overcast, grey and just on the verge of some huge storm. I considered still going to the zoo, but figured that my luck with Murphy's Law is not that great. To avoid the potential downpour, we decided on the mall for our birthday fun instead.

I am fortunate enough to live near a mall with an amusement park inside (yes, the great mall of america - which once you live here for a while is more annoying than anything else). We got to the mall, purchased our ride tickets and headed for the carousel. I mean, if we could not see zoo animals, I sure as hell was going to take Nikolai on his super special first carousel ride.

Well, somebody did not pass along the special carousel ride memo to Nikolai. These are the only pictures I got of him before he started crying and wanted to get off. Despite my attempts, he was done. He did not care about the horse - or the ride - or my feelings apparently (haha).

At least Noelle had a fun time, right?

Right....

Anyway, I went and bought the kids cookies instead. Nikolai seemed to like that much more. And I did get a few smiles out of him that day too...just not on the carousel.

yes, that is totally drool.

and even more drool.

Love my 1 year old :)

All these years and still fine as ever - what number is this again?

2010-08-19T07:41:00.000-05:00

I've lost track and am way too lazy to go check. Oh well.

This next fine looking man is fairly old, actually. I mean, really, the man is nearly 70. But, if I had to guess I would never come up with the big 7-0 when looking at him. Our aging gracefully guy this week is:

Harrison Ford!

I have to admit, I did not see Star Wars first. I am a bit too young for that one. I beleive the first movie I saw Harrison Ford in was Indiana Jones. I LOVE that trilogy and could honestly go sit down and watch it right now. Plus the ride at Disneyland (are you reading tis Mom Nom?! LOL) is really cool.

Anyway, back to ~~Indiana Jones~~ Harrison Ford. He has this scruffy manliness about him that is just oh so appealing. Throughout the years he has not lost it either. Even in the recent (not as great Indiana Jones movie) he still looked great and I was sufficiently drawn to that not so great movie just to see him.

As with last week, although he may not be too old for Calista, he is too old for me. So no dream dates here - but he is good looking. Even at 70 :)

Happy Birthday to you!

2010-08-18T07:56:00.000-05:00

Dear Nikolai,

One year! Can you believe it has been that long? I know I can't because it has gone way too fast. Although somewhat cliche, it feels like I just brought you home from the hospital yesterday. When you were first born you were oh so quiet. I recall the baby in the room next to ours cried and cried. You? Well, you just stared at me in wonder.

The first few months with you were no picnic. You, like the baby at the hospital, cried all the time. We tried different bottles, different formula, different swaddles, different places. We bounced you, swung you, patted your back. Nothing. Some days I swear you would cry the entire day. You didn't sleep either. I think sleeping 45 minutes at a time became the norm in our household.

But, you also smiled, laughed, cooed and played. Your eyes twinkled every time you saw something (or someone) you liked. You loved being around your family and some days would only be calm in the car if your sister was sitting next to you.

As you grew, you became a happy, playful, vibrant little boy. First you sat up, then you crawled. You quickly figured out you could get the remote controls by pulling up on the couch and thereafter began cruising along anything that would hold you up.

I remember your first steps - which came way too fast for me. Nine months is for crawling, not walking. But, once again, you figured out you could get into so much more stuff if you could walk to get it. Congrats to you on this one - I hear you broke the family record for walking earliest (formerly held by your tia).

With your new found mobile freedom came a decrease in crying. I truly believe you just wanted to do so much stuff, yet did not know how to do it.

You have officially ditched the bottle and the formula inside. You can say mom (rather, it is "mum, muuuuummmmm") and dada. You can say baba for your sippy cup and you call the cats (and your grandma's dog) kitty kitty. You have recently learned how to clap while yelling "yay" and waive "hi" to other kids on the playground.

I have watched you learn and grow so much in this past year, dear Nikolai. And I cannot wait to watch you learn and grow for many, many years to come.

Mr. Nikolai, I cannot believe you are now ONE!

Happy birthday sweet baby!

Love,
Mom

Happy Medium

2010-08-17T08:16:00.000-05:00

I take my next piece of advice from the Lion King...Be Prepared.

After mulling over my post from yesterday and thinking about my conversation with my husband, I have decided I can do this - I just need more preparation.

To date, I have never planned a meal other than dinner for the family. Based on my new eating habits, I should be planning breakfast, lunch and dinner. I should also have plenty of the foods I can grab out of the fridge and eat without cooking on hand - all of the time. I must re-do the family budget so that I can make purchasing fresh fruits and veggies all the time a possibility. Finally, I must allow myself to indulge upon occasion and not feel bad about it. I don't think anyone can do 100% ALL the time without wanting to stab themselves with a fork or possibly start picturing their loved ones as giant ice cream cones.

All and all, I need to stop being such a baby about this whole thing. Life is what it is and I need to get with it and move on. There is a happy medium between me eating this crazy diet and me being happy about it. I just need to find it.

Thanks for the support yesterday :)

Fork in the road.

2010-08-16T07:30:00.001-05:00

My goal, initially, when I went to the chiropractor was to fix my feet. As some of you may recall, it was determined that my feet were just fine, but were hurting due to other things wrong with my body. With a couple of adjustments and a major overhaul of my diet, I am happy to say my feet feel just fine.

Now, when you cut sugar, flour, wheat, corn, artificial flavor, alcohol and processed foods out of your diet you are bound to lose weight. After realizing this is what I could do to cut the excess poundage - I got a bit excited inside. Could this be it? Could this finally be the way I get my body back?

Well, as the pounds came off and my food restrictions tightened, you would think that I would be thrilled to be on my way to my goal weight.

Not so much.

Every day I get up and dread going to the fridge to gather my permitted ingredients for each meal. I find myself standing in front of the fridge attempting to convince myself to eat what I am supposed to eat. I get sick just thinking about what I am supposed to eat because it simply does not sound appetizing.

So, rather than suck it up and eat it, I did what you are not supposed to do. I either drank a protein shake (no slim fast people, a no sugar, no frills powder that I mix with soy milk) or I did not eat at all. There have been many, many times that I consumed no more than 800 calories in a day.

This is bad. Bad for many reasons. First, eating so few calories defeats the purpose of eating healthy because you are not getting the nutrients you need. Second, it is a poor mindset. Finally, it is sad that I have that big of an aversion to healthy eating.

It got bad enough that Anwar told me he thinks I should stop. Stop the restrictions and try something else. He says it has impacted my mood big time and he sees how much the stress from thinking about food all the time wears on me. He also said that doing this was supposed to make me more happy and that it appears I am more miserable than before. All I could think when he said this was: if I stop, I will be fat for the rest of my life. If I stop the only thing that has worked this well, what next? I don't know the answer to that question.

What is the fork in the road? Stick it out on the food restrictions and be more proactive about trying new things and embracing a new way of eating...or stop and hope that I can find a new plan.

I am not sure what to do. I do know that I want my body back. I do know that I want to keep running. What I don't know is what I need to do to get there.

I am a work in progress...so this is to be continued.

*edit: I should add (I already got the question and realized I was not clear) that as far as my doctor is concerned I should eat this way (or not far from it) for life due to my borderline diabetes. So, anything new, cannot be too different.

Sunday Funny: Cake.

2010-08-15T07:39:00.000-05:00

Nikolai's first birthday party was a blast. Granted, the boy does not turn one until later this week, but the busy summer schedule allowed us only the one weekend to celebrate Mr. Nikolai. So celebrate we did!

We had planned an outdoor gathering for family and friends, but mother nature had a different idea. That little manipulator decided to show thunderstorms and rain for the entire day on all local forecasts. So on the day of the party when it was POURING outside - we made the decision to have the party indoors at our new place. Naturally, the sun was shining and it was gorgeous out for the entire party. Oh well.

Anyway, Nik got plenty of great gifts and got to see lots of his friends and family that day. He is just enamoured with his new toys (poor kid had been playing with toys which he'd obviously out-grown). Nik also has some great clothes for the upcoming fall season - we appreciate each and every gift so much.

Well, here comes the best part - the pictures!!

I made 48 cupcakes just for the occassion. The toppers - so cute - were made for Nikolai by a good friend!

The cake turned out well too...until it was completely destroyed by Mr. Man.

Nikolai took it upon himself to eat his newest gift. Notice that he has two of the same toy...my sister and SIL bought the same thing, lol! Great minds think alike, right?

Noelle decided to hide out under the table to eat...smart girl, there were people everywhere.

We had a great time!

But it is quite obvious, the best time was had right here (ahem, this is where the funny in sunday funny comes in).

Haha! The kid went to town and ate almost the entire thing. Luckily, he seemed to hold his sugar well and there was no sicky time later.

Such a fun party. And now only three days until my little guy is ONE!

SKOL!

2010-08-14T13:54:00.000-05:00

With or without Mr. Favre, we're ready for ya!

Let the Pre-Season begin...Skol Vikings!

Better late than never.

2010-08-13T07:41:00.001-05:00

It seemed like everyone was already doing it. You know, clapping. Nikolai just looked at me like I was nuts every time I tried to show him how to clap. Maybe it was more like a WTF look. Who knows.

But! This is what happened yesterday...

Now, for next week. I promise to post birthday pictures and I promise to finally do the Twitter Home Tour. I guess better late than never applies to me too.

After all these years...the fourth!

2010-08-12T10:10:00.000-05:00

I think this week's fine looking man is predictable. I had to go with him sooner or later. I am fairly sure that a big chunk of my readers fall into my general age category, and thus will know exactly what I am talking about when I say:

Mario Lopez...

All these years and still fine as ever.

Now, I first saw Mr. Lopez on the show Saved by the Bell. He was as bad as a "bad boy" got on a television sitcom in the late '80s. Meaning he really was not all that bad. I mean, wearing a leather jacket does not equal bad boy in my book - but whatever.

After Saved by the Bell I feel like ~~Slater~~ Mario dropped of the face of the planet. Really, he did not. But I certainly wasn't watching whatever he was on. Then BOOM! Mario Lopez lands on Dancing with the Stars. That cheesy television show re-launched this guy's career. Now he is all over the place, for real

In all honesty, I would not date this guy. For whatever reason a douche siren goes off in my head every time I see him. But, he still is nice to look at ;)

This day came right out of a sitcom.

2010-08-11T08:10:00.000-05:00

The day of an interview is a day you want to go smoothly. You (or at least I) plan, schedule, prepare - just so the big day will be stress-free. I did that. I printed my resume, writing sample, transcripts and the like the night before. I organized my super professional purse and ensured I had proper directions to the interview location. I was very proud of myself as I nervously went to bed on Monday night.

This is when things started to go awry.

Nikolai - who sleeps very well at night these days - got up just before 1:00 a.m. absolutely screaming. The kid is getting four teeth, that's right, I said four, this very moment. I would cry too. Although against our typical practices, Anwar and I decided this poor kid needed some mommy time. We gave him a little milk and let him come to bed with us. Where he tossed and turned all night long.

I did not really sleep. I felt like a zombie when it was time to get up.

Just wait, it gets better.

Of course, Anwar was running late because of the poor night's sleep and ran out the door asap. I still needed to feed two kids, shower and dress for my interview. I somehow managed to feed Nikolai some yogurt and gave him some formula. I then jumped in the shower for seriously a minute while Nikolai cried on the bathroom floor because he wanted to be held. It was honestly non-stop.

Nikolai is crying.

Nikolai dumped out the cat food (really this is a daily event).

Nikolai wants a pacifier.

I have no idea how - but I managed to get out of the house with my hair blow-dried and my suit on. I was not stress-free. I was frazzled.

I approached my interview location and it started POURING rain. I had no umbrella.

I went to park in the lot where I was instructed to park and the stupid auto-pay machine would not take my dollars because they were too wrinkled up! Tired of trying to force my dollar bills into the machine while getting the left side of my body soaked because of the open window got really old, really fast. So I drove around the back of the building and found an open meter spot. I snagged it only to realize I did not have single quarter with me. I said fuck it and got out of my car. Yes, I literally said out loud "fuck it".

Mind you it was still pouring rain when I hopped out of my car sans umbrella. I began to wonder why I had bothered to dry my hair. And why I chose to wear a white shirt under my suit. Somehow I managed to make it to the building with little to no water damage -- I was shocked my how dry I still was.

My interview went well - so please cross your fingers for me.

The rain had stopped by the time my interview was over and the sun was shining. I thought my bad luck earlier in the day had come to an end. That was until I saw the meter man parked right in front of my car. I walked up to him and said how sorry I was, that I was in an interview that ran longer than expected. I totally expected a ticket. BUT, the nice man said, no worries, let me move my car so you can get out.

::blank stare::

I thanked him profusely and went along my way. I almost felt bad that he had fallen for such malarkey...but that didn't last too long.

So, the moral of the store is: there no point in preparing for an interview the night before to avoid stress because your kids will eff all that up anyway. Oh yeah, and meter guys totally fall for malarkey. Totally.

sigh

2010-08-10T15:48:00.000-05:00

I am taking a break today. I am tired.

Who hoo! Green light means GO!

2010-08-09T13:55:00.001-05:00

I have officially been cleared to start running! So silly that such hard work and soon-to-be-sweating would make me so excited...but it does :)

I have not yet picked out a 5K race, but in Minnesota they happen ALL OF THE TIME. So I will take a peek and get the ticker going. So keep your eye out for that.

Also, based on what I have read, it looks like I need to start my running from scratch because I haven't run for such a long time. My body just isn't conditioned for it anymore. No worries, I can start up again and bet it will go smoothly this time because I know what to expect.

So what do you say? Are you ready to go on another 5K journey with me?

The Scale.

2010-08-09T07:09:00.001-05:00

I have a slight obsession with my super cheap scale. Since starting up my new eating routine, I have begun stepping on the scale a lot. By a lot I mean more than once as week (as recommended) in fact, I often weigh myself more than once a day.

I will fully admit this obsession has become a problem. I mean, I should not be excited to jump out of bed at 5am and weigh myself (sans clothing of course - why add excess weight) because we all know that we are at our lightest first thing in the morning. Sick, I know.

I think it seriously angers me that I can somehow get heavier during the day. It just seems unfair that I can get such a great number in the morning and such a bad one as the day progresses. Knowing this every day, it still irks me.

I know that little (well, big) number should not determine how I am doing. I feel a TON better. I get complements all the time. I look different. I cannot wear my jeans more than once without washing because they get too loose and start to fall down.

Despite my obvious signs of weight loss...that number is just so stuck in my head. I need to stop being so obsessive about this. Since I have little to no will power - I will have to ask one of you to lock up my scale and only give it to me on Sunday mornings (first thing when I have not yet dressed, eaten or had anything to drink). Any takers?

Oh yes, that little number (at my favorite time) is 13 less than when this whole thing began.

Sunday Funny. So funny. So true.

2010-08-08T08:37:00.000-05:00

I think you ladies (and you guys who read along) can totally relate to this!

Thanks to Alicia for the video!

It's Party Time!

2010-08-07T07:54:00.000-05:00

Please excuse my absence. Today is the big day... Nikolai's First Birthday Party! I am sure I will post pics sometime next week, but for now, just do an anti-rain dance and wish me luck with all my baking ventures.

Hooray Nikolai!