A Different Kind of McFatty Monday

Sometimes during my (never ending) quest to lose weight, I lost sight of how what I am doing impacts those around me. 

I know I sound like a broken record, but I really have been trying to lose weight for half of my life.  For those math whizzes out there, that means I have been trying to lose weight for Noelle's entire life. 

Noelle has watched me celebrate pounds lost and likewise watched me wallow in sorrow when those pounds (usually plus some) came back.  She has watched me cut out many foods and then shortly thereafter overindulge in those same foods. 

As stupid as it sounds, I have never really considered the practical impact of my actions on my child.  I never thought of my yo-yo dieting beyond myself other than to acknowledge that I never wanted my children to experience what I have.

Well, hindsight is 20/20.

About a month ago I signed Noelle up for swimming lessons.  Since that time, Noelle has insisted that she did not want to go.  This is fairly typical behavior, as Noelle tends to be very shy and hates trying new things.  This past Saturday was the first lesson and that morning Noelle repeated how much she did not want to go.  I brushed her fears aside and took her to the community center.  Once there, Noelle began telling me she did not want to get into her swimsuit.  I brushed that aside as well and told her she would have a great time and to not be nervous.  It wasn't until Noelle sat down on the bench next to the pool and began to cry that I started to wonder what else was going on. 

Noelle told me she did not want to swim because she was so much bigger than all the girls in her class. 

Noelle is not fat in the least.  She is the tallest kid in her entire school, she is the height and weight of the average 12 year old and she has the curvy body of an adult, not the bean pole body of a child.  In sum, she just grew up too fast and her classmates have yet to catch up to her.

But try explaining that to a crying 8 year old who was too self-conscious to go into a pool because she was the biggest girl there.  Try explaining that nobody else cares about her size, they are just there to have fun.  Try explaining all of that when the child listening has watched you experience all the same emotions and has watched you not do things because you were too big. 

Listening to my child cry because she feels too big for her age made my heart just sink.  After we talked and Noelle had gone into the other room, I sat down and cried because the heartache I sought to prevent has already started to occur.  I am so upset with myself for not being more conscious of my diet woes and their impact on Noelle.  I am also incredibly angry that at 8 my child is already aware of body size and feels the need to be worried about it. 

I am at a total loss. 

All I could tell her is that she grew much more quickly than other kids her age - and that she is drop dead gorgeous.  Beyond that I am not sure what to do.

What in the world do you do with a kid, who at 8 years old already sees the use in a McFatty Monday?