All these years and still fine as ever...

I have no clue why I did not think of this man sooner.  I swear the guy has not aged a bit since I was first captivated by his good looks and charm.  Well, the charm may be wearing a little thin when you consider his name indicates that ladies love him.

That's right.  I am talking about (::drool::) LL Cool J.

That's right, LL Cool J.

Now, LL Cool J released his first song when I was only 5 years old...so I really do not remember that (I grew up in a house full of Cats, Guys and Dolls, Beverly Sills and Phantom...not rap).  But, I do remember in 1990 the Song Mama Said Knock you Out (which we still all sing when passive aggressively trying to tell someone to shut the hell up).  And even LATER I recall the body man that went along with that song.  He is FINE.  Yes, I brought that word back from the '90s.  FINE.  Even the stupidly huge LL belt that he is wearing in the above picture does not detract from said fineness.

Now, he acts, raps and such.  But who really cares?  All I care to see is him.  Preferably shirtless. 

Enough with the words...just go back and look at the picture again.

Love LL Cool J.

Hey, who took my paci?!?

Well, we are in the midst of taking away Nikolai's pacifier.  It is tough.  More than tough.  It is sometimes torture. 

You see, Nikolai has used his pacifier since birth to comfort him when he is sad, upset, distressed, frustrated, sick or unhappy.  But now, now Nikolai must learn how to live without this form of comfort.  He must learn that when her is upset, that he must find something else to make him feel better.  I know that it is tough for him (and us) right now, but in the long run the absence of a pacifier will be much better for us all.

The funny thing is, my pacifier has been taken away as well.  For years I have used food when I needed comforting.  I have used food to take away the negativity from a bad day.  I have used food to dull the pain of heartache.  Unlike, Nikolai, however, there is nobody to take away the bad food.  I have to take it away from myself.   Like Nikolai, in the long run the absence of bad food will be much better for us all.

I would say I was 60% on my eating this week.  Much better than last, but still could use some improvement.  I did find myself eating when I wasn't hungry - like when I was nervous about my job interview.  I also found myself eating just because of tradition (it was the state fair people, I think it was valid ;)).  Finally, I found myself drinking - something I haven't done in over a month - because I felt like I deserved a good night out. 

Taking away a source of comfort is a tricky and difficult thing to do.  I know I CAN do it and I know it is beneficial to me and my family.  So this week - let's aim for 70% on the eating :)

Maybe Nik and I can get rid of our pacis together.

Sunday Funny: Why I do McFatty Monday

Yup. This pretty much sums it up.

And so it begins...

The first time this happened, I laughed.  The second time, I laughed again.  Now, it is just a bit annoying.  Boarding school, perhaps?

P.S.: this is what happens when you don't give Nikolai part of your lunch....

Here we go again!

Who wants a Couch to 5K (C25K) update?  I am sure you do, so here it goes!

I decided to be nice to myself and start the program from scratch.  After all, I had not run for over two months and figured my endurance was shot and my muscles would not be ready to jump out and go.  I did Week 1 Day 1 with Anwar on Saturday and Day 2 yesterday -- just me and the kiddos. 

The bad things.  I got tired more quickly than I expected.  This tells me that I was right to start over (you know, endurance shot) and that I could not have handled trying to skip to week 6 or 7 like I had wanted.  I likely would have quit out of frustration.  Also, my kids WHINED like there was no tomorrow.  "It's hot." "Are we done yet." "Mum, muuuuuuummmmm." (that last one is Nikolai).  But, they got over it (with a little help from the animal crackers I so wisely stashed in the stroller).

The good things.  My feet did not hurt.  Yay!  My feet did not hurt!  I was halfway expecting them to start up (simply because I was being pessimistic) but they did great.  Hooray for doctors who actually fix things!  Also, I am FAST.  Well, not fast, fast...but faster than I was last time I did C25K.  I got much further in the same amount of time and I am proud of myself for that. 

The best thing?  For the first time in months when I saw a runner running down the street I did not think "that should be me," rather, I thought "that is me." 

I am aiming for a 5K on October 30th!  There are SEVERAL that day because of the holiday - so I just need to pick one and sign up!  Yay for 5Ks and good feet :)

We can't be good at everything, right?!

I have come to accept that there are some things in life that I will never perfect, or dare I say, I will be bad at some things.  For example, I cannot sew to save my life.  Seriously, go ask my mom about the smiley face hot pad I made in 7th grade home ec class.  The smiley face's eyes were connected because I could not figure out how to lift the needle so the thread would not continue.  It was a nice laugh for the whole family...until report card time.

While the sewing comes in at things Anne is BAD at, there are other things that fall into the mediocre category.  You know, things that are not good or bad - they are just, well, nothing to be proud of or brag about.   Here would be cutting things.  Yes, with a knife.  While I am a food chopping, package opening, paper cutting whiz at home - the same cannot be said at family gatherings or in public places.   For some reason every time I leave the sanctity of my own home I cannot use a sharp object without cutting myself.  Again, ask my family about the time I held up Thanksgiving dinner because I was at the ER getting my sliced open finger fixed.  Or the time I put a screwdriver into my hand while trying to put batteries in a Christmas toy Noelle received.  Yup, I am mediocre when it comes to sharp objects.

An area where I am unsure if I am bad or mediocre or just dumb is spelling.  Trust me, I use spell check like it is going out of style.  I cringe every time I look through handwritten school notes because I KNOW those words just are not right.  I thought I was likely the world's worst speller...that is, until I saw this...

My sister called my laughing hysterically one day to talk about what was happening in her apartment parking lot.  The apartment management had blocked off the lot so that they could put down parking stripes (which come in quite handy when, you know, parking).  I could not figure out what was so funny until she sent me this picture:

That's right.  All SEVEN signs put up by the management insisted that the lots would be "stripped" that day.  I almost wondered if I should send over a person from Rick's Cabaret to help out....

So, you see, I am not a bad speller...I am a mediocre speller.

How fortuitous

The foreshadowing in my previous posts was abundant.  The lack of eating.  The constant food cravings.  The contemplation of giving up. 

So, I did it.  I cheated.  At first it was an intentional cheat.  I wanted my grandma's waffles before she left town.  We actually made it so the only thing off my diet was the waffle itself - no big deal.  Right?

I suppose I am the type that if you give me an inch I will take a mile.  That one intentional cheat coupled with my lack of eating and overall discontent lead to an entire week of eating foods that I am not at all supposed to eat.  I once ate an entire box of popsicles to avoid eating ice cream...which I eventually did eat anyway.  I ate bread with honey on it.  I ate a piece of cheesecake with my husband.  I drank a bloody mary on my anniversary.  I did not drink nearly enough water.  Not surprisingly, my body is rebelling and can most certainly tell the difference.  Headaches, upset stomach, sore muscles.  I guess that just shows that I was doing the right thing and should continue to do the right thing.

So I have a renewed commitment to eating right.  I have my fridge stocked full of food that I CAN eat so that I focus less on what I cannot eat.  I purchased a new water bottle with a straw - because drinking from a straw is for some reason SO much easier than without - so that I get in my 64 oz minimum.  And, taking some advice from you lovely ladies last week, I will go for an 80/20 approach.  Meaning I will be very aggressive with my diet 80% of the time and simply do my best the other 20%.  That is much more balanced than what I have been doing.

My weight did not go up or down this week.  I am grateful for that because it probably should have gone up. 

Also, despite my poor eating habits, I did do something really great.  I have officially re-started the Couch to 5K program.  Watch out runners!  Here I come!

Sunday Funny: Run and tell that, homeboy!

For those of you who have not seen this, it is funny.  You will laugh.  For those of you who have seen this.  It is still funny. You will laugh again.

You're welcome.

I married the right guy...

two years ago today. 

I have never met a man who works so hard to make me happy and to support his family.  Even on the days that he comes home from work completely exhausted, he will see me having a hard time and take over parenting duties.  He comes home with chocolate (or these days sushi) just because he thinks I may want some.  He is almost always right. 

It hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows - and won't always be in the future either.  But we have learned to get through the toughest of times together and come out on top.  In fact, the times when I feel closest to him are the times that we realize we are up against the world but know that we still have each other. 

He always has the right thing to say when I am having a tough day or a tough time.  When we discovered my unemployment was basically done he told me: "I know things are looking bleak right now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  We just have to keep chasing it."  Instead of giving up in frustration, he found a way to make it work.

I truly believe I met and married my soul mate - I cannot imagine spending my life with anyone but him.

When he proposed to me he recited a poem he'd written - and I think it holds true today:

As individuals, preservation of self is our greatest desire. But it is only when we can transcend the needs of ourselves and consider those of another that we truly live.

Here's to transcendence forever more

 

 
Happy anniversary, Anwar.
 

The Carousel...A Tear Filled Saga

Since we celebrated Nikolai's birthday early, I figured we should do something special on his actual birthday.  I had planned an outing which included lunch with Anwar, the zoo and...the very special first carousel ride.

Lunch was nice (very good Vietnamese food), but the rest of the day did not go quite as planned.

It was crappy outside.  By crappy I mean it was overcast, grey and just on the verge of some huge storm.  I considered still going to the zoo, but figured that my luck with Murphy's Law is not that great.  To avoid the potential downpour, we decided on the mall for our birthday fun instead.

I am fortunate enough to live near a mall with an amusement park inside (yes, the great mall of america - which once you live here for a while is more annoying than anything else).  We got to the mall, purchased our ride tickets and headed for the carousel.  I mean, if we could not see zoo animals, I sure as hell was going to take Nikolai on his super special first carousel ride.

Well, somebody did not pass along the special carousel ride memo to Nikolai.  These are the only pictures I got of him before he started crying and wanted to get off.  Despite my attempts, he was done.  He did not care about the horse - or the ride - or my feelings apparently (haha). 

At least Noelle had a fun time, right?

Right....

Anyway, I went and bought the kids cookies instead. Nikolai seemed to like that much more.  And I did get a few smiles out of him that day too...just not on the carousel.

yes, that is totally drool.

and even more drool.

Love my 1 year old :)

All these years and still fine as ever - what number is this again?

I've lost track and am way too lazy to go check.  Oh well.

This next fine looking man is fairly old, actually.  I mean, really, the man is nearly 70.  But, if I had to guess I would never come up with the big 7-0 when looking at him.  Our aging gracefully guy this week is:

Harrison Ford!

I have to admit, I did not see Star Wars first.  I am a bit too young for that one.  I beleive the first movie I saw Harrison Ford in was Indiana Jones.  I LOVE that trilogy and could honestly go sit down and watch it right now.  Plus the ride at Disneyland (are you reading tis Mom Nom?! LOL) is really cool. 

Anyway, back to Indiana Jones Harrison Ford.  He has this scruffy manliness about him that is just oh so appealing.  Throughout the years he has not lost it either.   Even in the recent (not as great Indiana Jones movie) he still looked great and I was sufficiently drawn to that not so great movie just to see him. 

As with last week, although he may not be too old for Calista, he is too old for me.  So no dream dates here - but he is good looking.  Even at 70 :)

Happy Birthday to you!

Dear Nikolai,

One year!  Can you believe it has been that long?  I know I can't because it has gone way too fast.  Although somewhat cliche, it feels like I just brought you home from the hospital yesterday.  When you were first born you were oh so quiet.  I recall the baby in the room next to ours cried and cried.  You?  Well, you just stared at me in wonder. 

The first few months with you were no picnic.  You, like the baby at the hospital, cried all the time.  We tried different bottles, different formula, different swaddles, different places.  We bounced you, swung you, patted your back.  Nothing.  Some days I swear you would cry the entire day.  You didn't sleep either.  I think sleeping 45 minutes at a time became the norm in our household. 

But, you also smiled, laughed, cooed and played.  Your eyes twinkled every time you saw something (or someone) you liked.  You loved being around your family and some days would only be calm in the car if your sister was sitting next to you.

As you grew, you became a happy, playful, vibrant little boy.  First you sat up, then you crawled.  You quickly figured out you could get the remote controls by pulling up on the couch and thereafter began cruising along anything that would hold you up. 

I remember your first steps - which came way too fast for me.  Nine months is for crawling, not walking.  But, once again, you figured out you could get into so much more stuff if you could walk to get it.  Congrats to you on this one - I hear you broke the family record for walking earliest (formerly held by your tia). 

With your new found mobile freedom came a decrease in crying.  I truly believe you just wanted to do so much stuff, yet did not know how to do it. 

You have officially ditched the bottle and the formula inside.  You can say mom (rather, it is "mum, muuuuummmmm") and dada.  You can say baba for your sippy cup and you call the cats (and your grandma's dog) kitty kitty.  You have recently learned how to clap while yelling "yay" and waive "hi" to other kids on the playground. 

I have watched you learn and grow so much in this past year, dear Nikolai.  And I cannot wait to watch you learn and grow for many, many years to come.

Mr. Nikolai, I cannot believe you are now ONE!

Happy birthday sweet baby!

Love,
Mom

Happy Medium

I take my next piece of advice from the Lion King...Be Prepared. 

After mulling over my post from yesterday and thinking about my conversation with my husband, I have decided I can do this - I just need more preparation.

To date, I have never planned a meal other than dinner for the family.  Based on my new eating habits, I should be planning breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I should also have plenty of the foods I can grab out of the fridge and eat without cooking on hand - all of the time.  I must re-do the family budget so that I can make purchasing fresh fruits and veggies all the time a possibility.  Finally, I must allow myself to indulge upon occasion and not feel bad about it.  I don't think anyone can do 100% ALL the time without wanting to stab themselves with a fork or possibly start picturing their loved ones as giant ice cream cones. 

All and all, I need to stop being such a baby about this whole thing.  Life is what it is and I need to get with it and move on.  There is a happy medium between me eating this crazy diet and me being happy about it.  I just need to find it.

Thanks for the support yesterday :)

Fork in the road.

My goal, initially, when I went to the chiropractor was to fix my feet.  As some of you may recall, it was determined that my feet were just fine, but were hurting due to other things wrong with my body.  With a couple of adjustments and a major overhaul of my diet, I am happy to say my feet feel just fine. 

Now, when you cut sugar, flour, wheat, corn, artificial flavor, alcohol and processed foods out of your diet you are bound to lose weight.  After realizing this is what I could do to cut the excess poundage - I got a bit excited inside.  Could this be it?  Could this finally be the way I get my body back?

Well, as the pounds came off and my food restrictions tightened, you would think that I would be thrilled to be on my way to my goal weight. 

Not so much.

Every day I get up and dread going to the fridge to gather my permitted ingredients for each meal.  I find myself standing in front of the fridge attempting to convince myself to eat what I am supposed to eat.  I get sick just thinking about what I am supposed to eat because it simply does not sound appetizing. 

So, rather than suck it up and eat it, I did what you are not supposed to do.  I either drank a protein shake (no slim fast people, a no sugar, no frills powder that I mix with soy milk) or I did not eat at all.  There have been many, many times that I consumed no more than 800 calories in a day. 

This is bad.  Bad for many reasons.  First, eating so few calories defeats the purpose of eating healthy because you are not getting the nutrients you need.  Second, it is a poor mindset. Finally, it is sad that I have that big of an aversion to healthy eating.

It got bad enough that Anwar told me he thinks I should stop.  Stop the restrictions and try something else.  He says it has impacted my mood big time and he sees how much the stress from thinking about food all the time wears on me.  He also said that doing this was supposed to make me more happy and that it appears I am more miserable than before.  All I could think when he said this was: if I stop, I will be fat for the rest of my life.  If I stop the only thing that has worked this well, what next?  I don't know the answer to that question.

What is the fork in the road?  Stick it out on the food restrictions and be more proactive about trying new things and embracing a new way of eating...or stop and hope that I can find a new plan. 

I am not sure what to do.  I do know that I want my body back.  I do know that I want to keep running.  What I don't know is what I need to do to get there.

I am a work in progress...so this is to be continued.

*edit: I should add (I already got the question and realized I was not clear) that as far as my doctor is concerned I should eat this way (or not far from it) for life due to my borderline diabetes.  So, anything new, cannot be too different.

Sunday Funny: Cake.

Nikolai's first birthday party was a blast.  Granted, the boy does not turn one until later this week, but the busy summer schedule allowed us only the one weekend to celebrate Mr. Nikolai.  So celebrate we did!

We had planned an outdoor gathering for family and friends, but mother nature had a different idea.  That little manipulator decided to show thunderstorms and rain for the entire day on all local forecasts.  So on the day of the party when it was POURING outside - we made the decision to have the party indoors at our new place.  Naturally, the sun was shining and it was gorgeous out for the entire party.  Oh well. 

Anyway, Nik got plenty of great gifts and got to see lots of his friends and family that day.  He is just enamoured with his new toys (poor kid had been playing with toys which he'd obviously out-grown).  Nik also has some great clothes for the upcoming fall season - we appreciate each and every gift so much.

Well, here comes the best part - the pictures!!

I made 48 cupcakes just for the occassion.  The toppers - so cute - were made for Nikolai by a good friend!

The cake turned out well too...until it was completely destroyed by Mr. Man.

Nikolai took it upon himself to eat his newest gift.  Notice that he has two of the same toy...my sister and SIL bought the same thing, lol!  Great minds think alike, right?

Noelle decided to hide out under the table to eat...smart girl, there were people everywhere.

We had a great time! 

But it is quite obvious, the best time was had right here (ahem, this is where the funny in sunday funny comes in).

Haha!  The kid went to town and ate almost the entire thing.  Luckily, he seemed to hold his sugar well and there was no sicky time later.

Such a fun party.  And now only three days until my little guy is ONE!

SKOL!

With or without Mr. Favre, we're ready for ya! 

Let the Pre-Season begin...Skol Vikings!

Better late than never.

It seemed like everyone was already doing it.  You know, clapping.  Nikolai just looked at me like I was nuts every time I tried to show him how to clap.  Maybe it was more like a WTF look.  Who knows. 

But!  This is what happened yesterday...

Now, for next week.  I promise to post birthday pictures and I promise to finally do the Twitter Home Tour.  I guess better late than never applies to me too. 

After all these years...the fourth!

I think this week's fine looking man is predictable.  I had to go with him sooner or later.  I am fairly sure that a big chunk of my readers fall into my general age category, and thus will know exactly what I am talking about when I say:

Mario Lopez...

All these years and still fine as ever.

Now, I first saw Mr. Lopez on the show Saved by the Bell.  He was as bad as a "bad boy" got on a television sitcom in the late '80s.  Meaning he really was not all that bad.  I mean, wearing a leather jacket does not equal bad boy in my book - but whatever. 

After Saved by the Bell I feel like Slater Mario dropped of the face of the planet.  Really, he did not.  But I certainly wasn't watching whatever he was on.  Then BOOM! Mario Lopez lands on Dancing with the Stars.  That cheesy television show re-launched this guy's career.  Now he is all over the place, for real

In all honesty, I would not date this guy.  For whatever reason a douche siren goes off in my head every time I see him.  But, he still is nice to look at ;)

This day came right out of a sitcom.

The day of an interview is a day you want to go smoothly.  You (or at least I) plan, schedule, prepare - just so the big day will be stress-free.   I did that.  I printed my resume, writing sample, transcripts and the like the night before.  I organized my super professional purse and ensured I had proper directions to the interview location.  I was very proud of myself as I nervously went to bed on Monday night. 

This is when things started to go awry. 

Nikolai - who sleeps very well at night these days - got up just before 1:00 a.m. absolutely screaming.  The kid is getting four teeth, that's right, I said four, this very moment.  I would cry too.  Although against our typical practices, Anwar and I decided this poor kid needed some mommy time.  We gave him a little milk and let him come to bed with us.  Where he tossed and turned all night long. 

I did not really sleep.  I felt like a zombie when it was time to get up. 

Just wait, it gets better.

Of course, Anwar was running late because of the poor night's sleep and ran out the door asap.  I still needed to feed two kids, shower and dress for my interview.  I somehow managed to feed Nikolai some yogurt and gave him some formula.  I then jumped in the shower for seriously a minute while Nikolai cried on the bathroom floor because he wanted to be held.  It was honestly non-stop.

Nikolai is crying.

Nikolai dumped out the cat food (really this is a daily event).

Nikolai wants a pacifier. 

I have no idea how - but I managed to get out of the house with my hair blow-dried and my suit on.  I was not stress-free.  I was frazzled.

I approached my interview location and it started POURING rain.  I had no umbrella. 

I went to park in the lot where I was instructed to park and the stupid auto-pay machine would not take my dollars because they were too wrinkled up!  Tired of trying to force my dollar bills into the machine while getting the left side of my body soaked because of the open window got really old, really fast.  So I drove around the back of the building and found an open meter spot.  I snagged it only to realize I did not have single quarter with me.  I said fuck it and got out of my car.  Yes, I literally said out loud "fuck it".

Mind you it was still pouring rain when I hopped out of my car sans umbrella.  I began to wonder why I had bothered to dry my hair.  And why I chose to wear a white shirt under my suit.  Somehow I managed to make it to the building with little to no water damage -- I was shocked my how dry I still was. 

My interview went well - so please cross your fingers for me.

The rain had stopped by the time my interview was over and the sun was shining.  I thought my bad luck earlier in the day had come to an end.  That was until I saw the meter man parked right in front of my car.  I walked up to him and said how sorry I was, that I was in an interview that ran longer than expected.  I totally expected a ticket.  BUT, the nice man said, no worries, let me move my car so you can get out. 

::blank stare::

I thanked him profusely and went along my way.  I almost felt bad that he had fallen for such malarkey...but that didn't last too long. 

So, the moral of the store is: there no point in preparing for an interview the night before to avoid stress because your kids will eff all that up anyway.  Oh yeah, and meter guys totally fall for malarkey.  Totally.

*sigh*

I am taking a break today.  I am tired.

Who hoo! Green light means GO!

I have officially been cleared to start running!  So silly that such hard work and soon-to-be-sweating would make me so excited...but it does :)

I have not yet picked out a 5K race, but in Minnesota they happen ALL OF THE TIME.  So I will take a peek and get the ticker going.  So keep your eye out for that. 

Also, based on what I have read, it looks like I need to start my running from scratch because I haven't run for such a long time.  My body just isn't conditioned for it anymore.  No worries, I can start up again and bet it will go smoothly this time because I know what to expect. 

So what do you say?  Are you ready to go on another 5K journey with me?

The Scale.

I have a slight obsession with my super cheap scale.  Since starting up my new eating routine, I have begun stepping on the scale a lot.  By a lot I mean more than once as week (as recommended) in fact, I often weigh myself more than once a day. 

I will fully admit this obsession has become a problem.  I mean, I should not be excited to jump out of bed at 5am and weigh myself (sans clothing of course - why add excess weight) because we all know that we are at our lightest first thing in the morning.  Sick, I know. 

I think it seriously angers me that I can somehow get heavier during the day.  It just seems unfair that I can get such a great number in the morning and such a bad one as the day progresses.  Knowing this every day, it still irks me.

I know that little (well, big) number should not determine how I am doing.  I feel a TON better.  I get complements all the time.  I look different.  I cannot wear my jeans more than once without washing because they get too loose and start to fall down. 

Despite my obvious signs of weight loss...that number is just so stuck in my head.  I need to stop being so obsessive about this.  Since I have little to no will power - I will have to ask one of you to lock up my scale and only give it to me on Sunday mornings (first thing when I have not yet dressed, eaten or had anything to drink).  Any takers?

Oh yes, that little number (at my favorite time) is 13 less than when this whole thing began.

Sunday Funny. So funny. So true.

I think you ladies (and you guys who read along) can totally relate to this!

Thanks to Alicia for the video!

It's Party Time!

Please excuse my absence.  Today is the big day... Nikolai's First Birthday Party!  I am sure I will post pics sometime next week, but for now, just do an anti-rain dance and wish me luck with all my baking ventures. 

Hooray Nikolai!

So, I am not as big of a nerd as I thought.

Unless you've been ignoring me, you know a few things.  First, that I participate in Word Up, Yo! This is a weekly event where insert a predetermined word (predetermined by the nerd mafia, that is) into a blog post in an attempt to become a Soldier - or maybe even more.   The second thing you know is that I busted my ass in law school for three years. 

Put these two things together and what do you have?  A nerd.  A person who loves to read cases and was even made fun of by other lawyers for her nerdiness.  A person who looks forward to participating in a word game every week.  A person who finds the challenge in integrating a word into a well crafted post exciting.  The person who has her 2nd grader make a posterboard for a class project that requires only a speech of a few sentences and gets giddy with how well it is done - wait, that is another story.

Anyway, I have a confession of sorts.  I am not the huge nerd most believe me to be.  It is not because I am super cool in other areas of my life (yeah right).  It is because I have the worlds worst vocabulary. 

While most law students have their Black's Law Dictionary handy for all those pesky legal (and usually latin) words that show up from time to time, I unfortunately needed to take it a step further.  I was the girl in law school who OUT LOUD TO THE WHOLE CLASS pronounced words incorrectly because I didn't know them.  I usually had to ask my friends what some words meant.  I often would have to use the good old dictionary.com to figure out what the hell was going on.  Just to clarify - I am not talking about legal words - I am talking about regular words that you think I would have picked up over the years. 

What does this have to do with Word Up, Yo! and the WoW?  Well, this week the word is effervescent.  That's right.  Effing effervescent.  Sure, I have heard the word before, but honestly, even knowing the definition does not help me correctly use the word effervescent in a sentence.  I mean, if effervescent means high-spirited, I would probably just say high-spirited because I suck that much. 

You know, I should really blame something or someone for this issue.  I think I will pass the buck to TV.  TV must have caused me to learn only simple words.  That is plausible.  Right?

Damn effervescence.  (I should note that I spelled that last word wrong - spell check had to help me out).

Failure.

That is a word I think of quite often these days.  My whole purpose since graduating high school was be educated and successful.  I worked hard, incurred a lot of debt and in the end became, well, not the definition of a successful lawyer.  No job.  No nice house.  No money.  Nothing.

Yesterday was a particularly hard day for me.  Without getting too far into a different story, let's just say my unemployment is not going to be of much help anymore.  So, as I sat on my bed crying out of frustration and trying to figure out what to do, I could not fathom how life had gotten to this point.  I worked so hard to never be here, yet, here I am.  I just put my head down and started to give up.

Then, as I looked towards the ground I heard a noise.  It was Nikolai, coming towards me laughing and smiling.  As I picked him up to give him a kiss, it dawned on me.  I have two great kids.  One who is incredibly smart, a talented athlete, has incredibly good manners and is a good person.  A second who has hit physical milestones like they are nothing, loves to laugh, calls his grandma's dog "kitty" and wants nothing more than to be with his family.  I may not be the text book definition of a successful lawyer.  I may not have a nice house or a ton of money in the bank.  But, when it comes to being a mom, I have definitely succeeded.

I know you all want to hear this...

My kid is cute.  Surprised?  Neither am I.  So go vote for him by clicking here. 

Kisses :)

Procrastination.

You'd think that being a lawyer that I'd be better about ensuring things were done well in advance of any deadline.  Yeah, not so much.  You'd be shocked how many attorneys drop their items to file with the court in the mail on the last day possible at 5:00 p.m.  Usually those documents are still hot off the presses as well.

Well, procrastination also rears its ugly head into my daily life.  I do the dishes when we are out of spoons.  I get more formula when I have made the last bottle.  I buy a new bra when my undewire finally cannot take anymore and pops through causing me all sorts of pain.  I do the laundry when Noelle is out of clean underware. 

Usually nothing too serious happens.  Just a mere inconvenience.  However, this week my procrastination caught up with me...

I have known for years that I needed to order a copy of my birth certificate.  My parents have sworn up and down that they gave it to me years ago, but I cannot find it anywhere (oddly enough, neither can any of my siblings, so I bet somewhere in some basement our birth certificates are just sitting).  I do not live in the state where I was born, so I had to send in a request.  I filled out the form to order it about two years ago and never sent it in.  I figured I could put it off.  Nope, not this time.

On Monday I found out that I need to prove my citizenship (I am not in trouble, no worries) via birth certificate or passport by next Tuesday.  It normally takes 5 weeks to request and receive a birth certificate from the state in question.  So because my lame ass did not get my birth certificate years ago, I had to pay $53 for some middle man to get the document for me and overnight it to my house. 

Yeah.  I suck.

Upon relaying this story to some friends, one friend said her mother would normally ask her if she had learned her lesson, to which she would reply "probably not."

I doubt this is the last of my procrastination...

but one can hope, right?

All these years and still fine as ever - Part 3

Today's super hot hottie is somewhat of a cliche answer to who has aged gracefully.  But in all honesty, there is a reason he comes to mind when speaking of good looking older men...it is because he is good looking.

George Clooney pretty much remained off my radar until he graced me with his presence in ER.  He is the kind of actor that is uniquely charming and charismatic regardless of what role he is playing.  I was somewhat disappointed with his early departure from ER (I was one of the nerds who watched that show each and every season), but realized he had grown to popular to always be known as "Doug Ross". 

I have since that time been quite pleased with George Clooney's role choices.  Although, I think we all could have done without Batman and Robin.  He was PERFECT in Oceans 11 (and all its sequels) and I loved him opposite Jennifer Lopez in Out of Sight.  I guess that what I am trying to say is that George is not only a good looking guy, but he is a fine actor as well.

Now, I do not swoon over George Clooney like I swoon over Taye Diggs.  However, I give credit where credit is due...and Mr. Clooney, you are one fine looking 49 year old guy.

The breakdown.

Although I cannot attest to what it is like to be addicted to alcohol, drugs or tobacco, I can tell you what it is like to be addicted to food. 

It sounds lame, but for me food is like a drug.  I get almost irresistible urges to eat something in particular.  This impulse ranges from ice cream to eggs, from cereal to steak.  I have learned that when faced with these urges it is best to just eat what I want because otherwise I tend to eat and eat and eat until I end up eating what I was craving anyway.  In the past I have made this work with programs like weight watchers because I could just count up the points and move on.  Of course, this did not lead me down the path of healthy eating and I usually ended up leaving all the healthy food behind in favor of my craving of the moment.

Now, I do not have the luxury of eating what I want and caving to my cravings.  I have a very strict list of things I can eat and I must do my best to not stray.  This is mentally challenging for me.  There are so many times during the day when I just want to reach into the cupboard for that box of cereal.  Or maybe just take one bite of that ice cream Noelle is eating.  Then, my will power kicks in and I go drink a glass of water or grab a piece of fruit instead. 

Every time this happens it is like I am fighting with myself - like a constant tug of war going on inside my head.  It is exhausting, frustrating and at some points unbearable.  I know this is really dramatic, but I can't seem to operate without this struggle. 

Well, all of my mental fighting this last week led to me sitting on the couch crying and refusing to eat because all of my options did not sound appetizing.  I have also found myself going to bed early and showering to avoid eating things that I am not supposed to eat. 

Thankfully I have a rockstar husband who is willing to bring me sushi and cook dinner during the tough times.  But my awesome husband cannot give me a long-term solution.  I cannot eat sushi for every meal (Jeremy Pivin can attest to that).  I cannot run away every single time I am unhappy with my food choices.  I cannot refuse to eat simply because I do not like my options.  If I continue to do this, I doubt I will be successful in the long run. 

I am hoping this next week is better.  For the record I did not gain any weight back.  I am down a little less than a pound from last week...so almost 10 pounds gone. 

Sunday Funny...I feel like this some days.

Yeah, I am getting old, lol!

Thanks to Ana for sharing this gem :)