Why I buy toys, I will never know.

My kids have toys.  Really, they do.  Noelle has an entire room full of books, markers, coloring books, dolls, play dough, music...and tons of other stuff.  Nikolai has stuff everywhere that I am constantly tripping over or stubbing my toe on.  But yesterday, they kids had a blast.  They were entertained FOREVER and were just happy as could be.  This was the source of their entertainment....

Yes, a box.  An old diaper box that they made into a race car.  I really should just stop buying toys and start saving boxes.

The cake...an epic saga.

I am not a baker, a cook, a pastry artist or good at anything related to the kitchen.  When I tried to make Noelle's birthday cake (I believe it was her third birthday) I did not flour the pan and, well, you can guess what happened to that.  I made cupcakes at the last minute.

So, for Nikolai's first birthday I was dead set again baking/making any sort of pastry.  I was going to march my butt straight to the store and order a cake.  I searched and searched but could not find a nice classic Mickey Mouse cake anywhere.  All of the cakes were Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (that I did not want) or Mickey and Minne on the beach (huh?) or just odd.  I considered my options and decided to give the Wilton Mickey Mouse cake pan a go.  I mean, how hard could it be to bake a cake in a pan, frost it based on the form and be done?  Haha.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Last week my sister and I decided we had better do a practice run - just in case.  I baked the cake - a nice chocolate cake - ahead of time and was sure to flour the pan this time around.  The cake popped right out of the pan, yet I noticed our first problem right away.  Because I had used a chocolate cake, I could not see the outline of Mickey's face very well.  Oops. 

My sister arrived and we (without really reading the instructions) began to dye the frosting and slap it on the cake.  The frosting slid right off the cake and just made a huge mess.  You see, being the poor baker that I am, did not cool the cake prior to frosting it.  After several failed attempts to frost the cake, I said eff it and just frosted over everything in one color so the fam could eat the cake at a BBQ later that day.  It looked like....well a total and compete hot mess.

Hahahaha! Yes, I am still laughing.   As were my online friends who told me I needed to put the cake in the fridge.  I actually was just going to throw in the towel when one friend in particular sent me a message telling me it would be a super cute cake and she thought I could do it. 

My sister and I gave it another go.  I baked the cake WAY in advance, I put it in the fridge for a few hours and I READ the frosting instructions that came with the pan.  Here is how it turned out...

I baked a white cake this time hoping for better tracing lines - yes, I floured this pan too.

This was for sure better than the chocolate! 

This is what we did!  The frosting started melting again midway through - but that was because my sister and I are dumbasses and we were frosting the cake on the counter above the running dishwasher (that is hot, dumb, dumb).  We also need a smaller piping tip for the black lines.  Otherwise, I like it! 

I have decided that this will be Nikolai's smash cake!  I cannot wait for those pics.  The rest of us will eat cupcakes!  I am so excited.  Hooray!!

** I must give a special shout out to my e-girls (you know who your are) and Three Pugs and a Baby for giving me tips and encouraging me to give the cake another try **

If you are looking for me....

You should check right here!  I am guest blogging for Ali at Last Splash :)  Go scope it out.

All these years and still fine as ever, episode 2.

So last week we checked out the oh so fine Usher.  This week we are on to another man who has captivated for many years and still rates high on the hotness scale.  It is none other than.....

Taye Diggs!

When I am asked who my dream celeb is Taye Diggs is always my answer.  The man can sing, act and is probably one of the best looking human beings on the planet.  It also doesn't hurt that he is married (although I am jealous that he didn't marry me) to Idina Menzel - you know the super devious Vocal Adrenaline instructor/mom to Rachel Barry from Glee.  So the man obviously has good taste too (although, again, I would have been better).

I first encountered Taye Diggs in my dreams in the movie How Stella Got Her Groove Back.  He played the much younger love interest of Angela Bassett.  Let's just say I have been obsessed ever since. 

He has gone on to play many roles and I have followed him on to each and every one.  He is currently on Private Practice and I feel no shame in admitting I only watch the show for him. 

I have informed my husband that if Taye Diggs left his wife and asked me to run away with him that I would totally go ;)

Love Taye Diggs.  Love him.

Okay, enough drooling.  For now...

Mortality

You know what sounds so good right now?  Waffles.  Waffles slathered in butter and drenched in warm maple syrup.  Also, a big bowl of captain crunch (with crunch berries) filled to the brim with ice cold milk. 

What if someone said to you: "if you eat that, you will die."  Would you eat it still?  Well, I did.  I have known for years - YEARS - that I had to proactively avoid the onset of diabetes.  My grandmother, great-grandmother, grandfather and uncle all have (or had) diabetes due to diet and overall health.  Although very strongly genetically predisposed to diabetes, I kept telling myself I had time.  I kept telling myself I wasn't unhealthy enough yet.  Well.  Time is up.  And yes, diabetes is not the same as a death sentence, but it can cause all sorts of issues that shorten your life span.  So, today my answer to the "would you still eat it" question is: no. 

I have successfully completed a 7 day detox diet designed to flush out my system and help promote healthy circulation and lymph system operation.  I will no longer be taking my detox supplements, but I will need to keep eating the way I have been eating.  No sugar, no flour, no white bread, no artificial sweeteners for the foreseeable future.  

It is really sad that it took me this long to get with it.  I let excuses like stress, time, money and will power get in my way of eating healthy.  Now I am eating healthy and it is not easy, at all.  But I can do it.  Also, you know about all my weight loss complaints?  Yeah, in the past week I have lost just over 9 pounds.  How much of that will stay off post-detox I do not know, but I doubt if I keep eating as I have been this past week that I will gain a bunch back. 

I am not immortal.  I am not excluded from suffering disease.  I am responsible for how the rest of this plays out.

On a better note, I should be back up and running in about a month.  So I am back out to search for the next 5k!  Stay tuned!

Sunday Funny: Permanent Oops.

 

 

I know I am a spelling Nazi...but in times like this I'd bet this person would have liked someone like me around.

Super Soccer Champ!

Today was a fun day.  Noelle had her year-end soccer tournament - which at her age means they all play and everyone gets a medal :)  They did a great job and won 2 out of 3 games!  Noelle's coach gave out individual awards and named Noelle "Best Defender" because nobody gets past the half line when she plays.

Apparently Noelle is good (of course I always thought so, but as her mother I bet my opinion is biased, lol) because her coach said she was the perfect sweeper.   Since I never played soccer I had no idea what she meant.  I guess a sweeper is a defender who sits just past the half line and then give the ball one hard kick right back up to the forwards so they can attempt to score.  So, when we were all calling her the "one kick wonder" because she never kicked the ball more than that - she was doing the right thing.  I feel dumb!

So, here are some pics I got with the crappy camera.  Seriously, if you are reading my little blog and want to give me a DSLR to review, please feel free.  I would not object.  At all.  Anyway...

Love her.

It is all relative.

I felt better yesterday.  Wanna know why?  It is because I cheated just a little bit and had 1/2 a cup of coffee.  Yeah, it did the trick and I did not at any time want to jump into a dark whole and die.  Yeah, a bit mellow dramatic, I know.

Anyway, the kids had been locked up in the house due to my "condition".  I feel if I had attempted to brave a child-friendly place that I may have gone postal.  So, feeling as though I could safely face the world, I decided to hit the mall (the pool was out of the question, stupid rain).  The mall was a good place for me too, as I wanted to take advantage of a coupon for a clothing store Noelle has wanted to purchase from for ages.  The plan was: Noelle's clothes then Lego Land.  No prob. 

Well, we get to the clothing store and Noelle likes just about every outfit there.  I tell her to pick out two to try on and we'll go from there.  She picked her two and hopped into a changing room.  I waited just outside with Nikolai and Noelle's cousin.  As thrilling as girl's clothing is to an 11 year old boy and an 11 month old baby, they both became quickly bored.  Noelle's Cousin started ranting something about needing to leave because of a Justin Beiber CD and Nikolai started to whine and squirm in the stroller. 

Hurry up, Noelle. 

"Noelle, are you okay in there?" 

"Yep, I'm okay."

Hurry up, Noelle.

Noelle stepped out in the first outfit - a graphic tee and a leopard print skirt.  I nearly died when I saw her and promptly told her 8 year old (looking like a 16 year old) butt to take it off.  Immediately. 

Quickly trying to erase the too quickly passing years from my head, I turned my attention to Nikolai, who was DONE with the stroller.  I took him out only to realize he wanted to get down and run around.  Not good at the mall.  So he proceeded to squirm in my arms and push against my face in an attempt to get free from my grasp. 

Hurry up, Noelle. 

She came out in the second outfit.  It was a win so I told her to quickly put everything back on the hanger and get to the checkout counter. 

This took a long time.  Long enough for me and an 11 year old to pass back and forth Nikolai to save some sanity. 

Then I took Squirmy Mr. Man up to the counter to pay and Noelle and her cousin were off playing with this and that.  Running all around.  ::sigh:: I though.  And probably actually did.  Why did I think I could handle these rambunctious kids when I am not in tip top shape? 

Well, keeping my word we were off to lego land to check out the toys.  All the way there I just prayed that the kids would behave.  We got into the store and Noelle and her cousin quietly played with some lego figures in the middle of the store and Nikolai contently looked at all the large lego figurines.  I breathed a sigh of relief and took a moment to look around. 

There were kids running EVERYWHERE.  Out of control, parents yelling for them, kids yelling back, kids crying, tantrums being thrown, legos being thrown, parents looking distraught and - well - just general chaos. 

I sort of smiled to myself and thought "how lucky am I to be here with my family."  I may think they are rambunctious, but no, they are not at all.  Now these kids, they are rambunctious, lol!  So next time I get frustrated with squirmy kids running to check out some toys... I will remember that even though I think they are being disorderly -- they are not half as bad as the kids at lego land!  You see, it is all relative, my dear ;)

I am not really in a writing mood...

Based on my news the other day, I have been placed on a detox diet.  This is no master cleanse people, it simple requires that I don't eat refined sugar, white flour, pasta, rice, caffeine or processed foods. 

Sounds easy, right?

NO!  NOT EASY!  Aside from the fact that I wanted to rip the waffle off my daughter's plate this morning and shove it in my mouth - I am also experiencing massive sugar and caffeine withdrawal symptoms (read as experiencing the worst headache of my entire life). 

Needless to say staring at a computer screen and writing is not something I am doing so hot with at the moment. 

If I am not back my tomorrow...send a giant chocolate cake.

All these years...and still fine as ever!

I am talking about some male celebs.  There are some who age gracefully and step so naturally into life stages and others who, well, look like I do at 5am, lol! I have decided to start a weekly tribute to those men who I liked at 15, 25 and probably will forever.  Let's get this started!

The first man to hit this list would be the oh, so smooth and good looking, Usher.  ::swoooooon::

I remember first knowing of Usher via his voice and had not yet been subject to his oh so amazing looks.  I must have been all of 16 when I heard You Make Me Wanna on the radio.  I promptly went down to the music store (yes, that long ago) and bought the single. 

Since this was the era of MTV, I would go to my friend's house after school (we did not have cable until AFTER I left for college - coincidence, I think not) and watch the video on TRL.  Seriously, it should be a crime for a person to have that good a voice, that great a body AND still be able to dance.  Not just dance like most of the boy bands of that era attempted to dance, but really DANCE.  I was a loyal Usher fan and remember having Noelle - just an infant at the time - riding along in the back seat as I belted out U Don't Have to Call (the great Usher may be excused from my complete hatred of replacing the word you with just the letter u). 

And now, well, now Usher is dignified and mature.  He is still very good looking and - based on his recent SYTYCD performance, is still an amazing dancer and performer.  I am obsessed with the OMG song (which I downloaded -- see I am hip!) and belt that out at every chance possible. 

Ahhhh, Usher.  Keep it going man.  Keep it going.

A McFatty Monday Update: The Dreaded "D" Word.

Diabetes.  According to the doctor, I either have it or will shortly.  In short, my feet were merely trying to tell me that something was horribly wrong with my body.  Thank goodness my husband made me get it checked out because who knows how long I would have waited to go in, if ever. 

Per orders, starting right now, I am to do start a diet to detox my body and hopefully get it back on track.  I cannot eat any processed foods or refined sugars.  The rule is essentially: if it is white, don't eat it.  So, no white bread, no cookies, no pasta, no DIET COKE (artificial sweetener) and no junk food.  I am back to basics with veggies, fruit and lean proteins.  As with before, my weight was not discussed, but it is pretty obvious if I stick to this diet I will lose weight. 

I have also been told I cannot run for the time being.  Basically, when I exercise my brain tells my muscles to shut down, which presents all sorts of issues.  I am to walk only.  This is only short term and I will be up and running again in no time.

Right now I am sad, worried and angry.  I am sad that I am only 29 and am facing such a huge health issue.  I am worried that I will get really sick (well, more sick than now).  And I am angry with myself for letting it get this far.  Had I taken care of my body for the last 29 years I would not be in this position. 

Well, now I am not dieting for my weight -- I am dieting for my longevity, overall health and future.  So, every time I want to eat something horrible....remind me of this please.

I am a fat ass.

A fellow blogger recently had some boudoir pics done (this is a link to a super cool blog, NOT naked pictures, haha).  I mentioned this to Anwar and he said that he would not at all mind having some of those pics (of me, not Mom-In-A-Million).  I laughed, really hard, and said that there is no way those pictures would be any form of attractive.  His response was that maybe after I get where I want to be (weight wise) I can reconsider.  I look down and relented how I'd been trying to lose weight more than half of my life...and look at me.  When Anwar told me it just had to be more important to me I wanted to smack him.

So why don't I just give up?  I have actively been trying to lose weight since January 2010.  That was 7 months ago and guess what - I lost very little weight and have regained it ALL.  I have friends who eat whatever they want and look great.  I have friends who just cut out soda and lose 10 pounds. I have friends who did C25K and lost oodles of weight.  I have to restrict my diet to the very core to lose ANY weight.  I did C25K and lost nothing.  I think about eating any food whatsoever and I gain weight (I know this last one isn't really true, but it sure feels like it).  Why do I try so hard and see no results, yet keep going?

I have to be really honest here that just about every day I just want to be fat for the rest of my life and live with the misery of my clothes not fitting, worrying about what others think of me and risking my overall health just to not be so frustrated anymore.  Well, there are two things.  One, I doubt I will ever really be happy until I like what I see when I look in the mirror.  Second, the moment I lose ambition and desire to achieve is the moment I truly stop living.  I can't give up.
So, later today I will know a bit more about my injury and any dietary restrictions that may follow (I am guessing a detox is in order).  After that I know my weight loss story needs to have an end and it needs to be a happy one.  Stay tuned.

Sunday Funny: My silly boy is 11 months old!

I know this is a bit of a depature from my normal Sunday Funny...but to make it up to you here is a funny picture - a picture which I have so kindly deemed the best damn picture of Nikolai ever!

or maybe this one...

LOL!  Now that we got that over with, here is what my guy is up to these days...

He walks all of the time now - no crawling.  Ever.  He eats TONS of foods (which is quite a relief being that only a few short months ago I thought I'd be feeding him a bottle at his high school graduation).  Nikolai is quite the personality now and loves to laugh and play with other kids.  Emphasis on the laughing part because every time someone else laughs, he laughs too.  It is too darn cute (he laughs like Mandar from Dexter's Labratory). 

Nikolai officially has his first word.  Besides calling me "mum, muuuuummmmm" when he wants something (or me) he also says kitty!  He loves our cats and says: "kitty, kitty" whenever he sees them.  So cute. 

Now if only we could get a super good sleeper we'd be good to go!  Love my little guy :)  Now the countdown to ONE is on.

My child has outsmarted me...again.

No, I am not talking about Noelle (although, she outsmarts me on a regular basis as well).  This post is about Nikolai. 

Ever since Mr. Man started to roll around and scoot about we have been baby-proofing.  We got a new entertainment center (our old one was HORRIBLE), we put things up high, we covered all the outlets and tacked down any visible cords.  We heightened blind cords, put chemicals out of harms way, we moved the cat food too. 

Despite our efforts, that little stinker seems to find a way into the ONE thing we did not think to do.  So, everyday I find some random thing he has discovered and then I have to think of a way to prevent him from hurting himself or breaking the random thing. 

This kid, as mentioned above, has also out witted, out played and outlasted me.  We purchased our new entertainment center with doors.  Those door only open if you push them in and then pull them open after said push.  Well, Nikolai made simple work of our strategy.  He walked up to the door, pushed it in and then felt along the top with his hand until he reached the corner of the door and then pulled.  Yeah, he can open the damn doors.  He can also open just about any container left out.  So, when mommy has to go to the bathroom, here is what she returns to find...

This:

and also this:

I'd say the score is about 10 me...156 Nikolai.

I may be bi-polar.

Or have multiple personalities.  Or maybe just need more sleep, patience or caffeine (or "d" all of the above).

I can start out the day just dandy.  It is like I wake up to singing daisies and a dancing sun.  I frolic through my morning routine like it is the best damn morning routine ever.  My husband smiles and laughs.  He actually loves me on days like this (as opposed to days not like this when he just gives me crazed looks).  My kids are well behaved, everything is going just right...

...and then BAM! I become the biggest snark ever to roam the earth.  Honestly folks, there are mere milli-sections involved here.  I can only compare it to going from ToonTown in Who Framed Roger Rabbit to the grimy, gloomy, dingy city.  Want to know what happened in that milli-second?  Well, according to Anwar it could be ANY (or many) of the following:

1) Lack of Coffee:  Nothing brings out a snark like caffeine deprivation.  Seriously, I am like a crack addict who is addicted to the crack they put in Starbucks Coffee.  Some days I am okay with just one - who am I kidding - most days I am okay with at least two cups.  Others may involve a detour to the diet coke or some other form of caffeine to get me through.  When my caffeine level gets below about 1/3 of a tank a switch goes off somewhere.  I think it is a lot like the gas light dinging in your car or Jack yelling: "Danger! Danger Will Trueman!" 

Like a good husband, Anwar quickly offers me a properly dosed beverage before the snark turns to destruction.

2) Impatience:  I recently told a group of online girlfriends that I don't do late.  Really, I don't.  I can understand a couple minutes here or there, but habitual lateness is completely unacceptable to me.  Unfortunately, I married a man whose entire family wears late like it is going out of style.  I am not talking 15 minutes late people.  Anwar can normally see the blood start to boil in my veins.  Unfortunately, there is no cure for this one (although, Starbucks doesn't hurt).  I just become the snarkiest snark around.

3) Bad news.  Really, bad news on its own is no big deal - we all get it.  I am talking about the day where the bad news just.won't.stop.  I finally get that one piece of bad news that constitutes the icing on the cake and then I snap.  I go right from happy-go-lucky Anne to your worst nightmare.  This one is usually solved by some time with e-buddies and a bottle glass of wine.

So, there you have it.  I am a split personality snark.  On one end of the spectrum is nice Anne who skips and sings happy songs.  The other end is cranky, short tempered Anne who needs an intervention of sorts. So next time you see a crabby blog post...you'll know which Anne you got.

Dear Minnesota Drivers...

I do believe a few of you attempted to memorize the Minnesota Driver's Manual via osmosis and somehow tricked (via bribe, low cut shirts, blindfold or otherwise) the person who scored your driving test into passing you.  Why do I believe this?  Well, because I cannot drive the five minutes to target without nearly being hit by or becoming incredibly agitated with some stupid driver. 

For instance, roundabouts.  I know they look funny.  I know they are sometimes distracting because the city plants really pretty flowers in the middle.  I know they are not your typical intersection.  But come on people - you merely need to look slightly up and to your right to see the giant YIELD sign to know that all you need to do is look for oncoming traffic and then proceed if all is clear.  You do not need to come to a furiously fast stop, wait for an ungodly amount of time and then drive 2 miles per hour around the entire circle.  You also do not need to ignore the yield sign entirely by darting into the roundabout thereby nearly sideswiping a minivan full of kids. 

Oh yes, four way stops.  Not hard people.  You first stop (yes, that is why there is a big red STOP sign there - and no, the border does not make it optional).  Then, you either proceed if traffic is clear or wait if there is a car to your right or left who was there first.  Easy, one side goes and then the other.  I know people turning left can be super tricky, but that left turner gets to go just after the oncoming car passes.  Don't be an ahole, just wait your turn and then go with it is your turn.

Finally, I do not care how "comfortable" you feel driving slowly.  If the posted speed limit is 35 miles per hour and you are going 20 then you should maybe consider walking instead of driving.  Same goes for you speed racer.  The highway is NOT the Audubon and should not be treated as such.

Now if only I could get this published on the front page of the newspaper or posted on the McDonalds menu or something then we would all be much happier.

Thank you.

It is all in the footwork people.

Okay, confessions, confessions.

I have had shin trouble for quite some time now (as some of you may recall from my 30DS days).  Well, when I started running the shins got worse.  After doing a bit of research you really are supposed to stop what is aggravating the problem and do medically supervised training (e.g. downhill running to strengthen your muscles).  Of course, I did not want to stop.  I had a goal!  I wanted to finish.  So, I kept going and just dealt with the pain.  Towards the end, however, my feet and ankles joined in on the painfest.  I just assumed I had hurt myself somehow and kept on trucking.  It hurt enough to be noticeable, but not enough to stop me.  I figured it would work itself out.

Well, here's the thing.  After I stopped running (yeah, my total lack of motivation following my 5K) the pain did not go away.  My feet hurt so badly that at times I could not walk to the bathroom without limping.  So, finally, at my husband's insistance I went to the chiropractor.  Here is the verdict on the feet...

First, I am not crazy.  There is something wrong (I kept thinking I was making up the pain to avoid running).  But, the chiro was certain that my feet were not really the problem.  My pelvis (which I had TONS of problems with during pregnancy) never recovered from L&D and is incredibly out of whack.  Also, I am having muscle spasms behind my knee.  Finally, I have excess water retention in the lymps in my legs (created by issues 1 and 2 above).  This all has locked down the muscles in my legs and my shins, ankles and feet are in pain because of it. 

The chiro said a few things to me that hit home big time.  He asked if I ever felt really good, like on a runner's high after I worked out.  I guess I would say I felt good because I accomplished something (like, yay I did good today) but not like a physical high.  He said that working out is supposed to make  you feel good, but that it was his opinion that in my state my body thinks exercise is traumatic.  He said that has to be fixed because exercise is obviously supposed to help you.  Also, he asked if I want to eat sweet things all of the time.  Um, yes.  Always.  He thinks the water retention makes my body crave sugar (it tells the brain it needs the sugar).  So, yeah.  My body is messed up.

The good news?  Super easy to fix the pelvis and knee.  It is really an adjustment situation that shouldn't take that long.  Bad news?  The water retention is a diet thing.  That means I control whether that gets fixed or not.  So, if poor health isn't enough to scare me straight, I am not sure what else will.

Finally, a few notes on all I have discovered:
1)  Me having an injury is no excuse for not working out.  I can swim, do the elliptical, stretch or anything else not so high impact.
2) I know not everyone believes chiropracty is a good thing, but you are wrong and I am right :)  (psst, remember that my hubs is a chiropractor). 
3) I was terrified that I would simply be told that I was fat and that is why my feet hurt.  Well, yes I am fat.   But there are medical reasons for my feet.  Oh yeah, I still need to be more healthy.
4) I will not be running a 5K next month (some of you may have noticed I took down that ticker).  I do not think it would be wise at this point. 
5) I am not banishing running forever.  I am not giving up and I WILL be back out there as soon as this is resolved.
6) I should not ignore my body.  I knew something was wrong and I waited a long time to do anything about it.  I was afraid of how much money it would cost, but know if something was wrong with Nikolai or Noelle I would rob a bank to pay for it.  I should allow myself good health.
7) That is all...for now.

I will keep you posted on how things are going.  If you have any workout ideas for me I'd love for you to share :) 

Kisses to you all!

Sunday Funny: Random Thoughts

Today's incredibly random thought is brought to you by none other than Miss Noelle.

While waiting to go in after the first quarter during her soccer game, Noelle and a teammate were chatting.  After a long chat both fell silent.  Then - out of nowhere - Noelle looks to her teammate and says:

"I had lice once."

Then the whistle blew and the both ran out on the field.  Me, my sister and brother-in-law just looked at each other and started laughing to the point of tears.  Who says that?  My eight year old, that's who!

Pants on the ground!

Pants on the ground!  Lookin' like a fool with yo' pants on the ground!

I am old because...

In my younger years I could watch the scariest movie out there and not even flinch.  I could even watch these horror films by myself, in the dark, with the front door unlocked.  I used to get excited by the next thrilling flick to come out so I could go scope it out.  Not so much anymore.

I think it was sometime around 24 or so that I began getting terrified simply by watching the preview to a scary movie.  I even had a difficult time with a dark passage of an otherwise tame book.  Anwar once made me watch SAW and I think I had nightmares about it for a month.  I actually wanted to see Amityville simply because I was intrigued by the story...but closed my eyes for half of the movie (which in my mind was a total waste of the fortune I paid to get into the movie theater...the popcorn was good though).  Ever since then I avoid seeing good movies if I think they may even be the least bit scary.

Actually, as of late, I don't even need to see the stupid movie to get the creeps.  All I need is one simple scary image to set off incredibly unreasonable worries in my head.  Usually, the scary image is of some crazed looking person (it is all in the eyes people) or some horrific psychotic act involving violence.  All of this I can get from 5 seconds of a preview commercial.  I may as well just stop watching TV -  we all know that won't happen though, right?  Right.

Last night I was showering in the dark (yes the dark, it is relaxing) and after a few minutes I became incredibly afraid of the dark.  Was someone in the room with me?  Is the garage closed?  Did I lock all the doors?  I had to get out of the shower because I was so afraid.

What am I, twelve?

No, I am a nearly 30 year old adult woman who for some reason cannot separate fantasy from reality.  Yes the garage is closed, yes the door is locked and guess what, anyone who may have come in would have caught my husband's attention (or maybe not, Crackdown for the 360 did just come out).  My point is I am too old to be afraid of monsters under the bed or the boogie man in the closet.  Everything is frickin' fine.

Maybe I should just go on a tirade of watching scary movies.  Maybe then I will be able to put my big girl panties back on and say to myself the same thing I say to my kid..."it is just a movie."

**I should add that after I wrote this post I tried to get a good picture from google images to insert into the post...yeah, that scared me too.**

HGTV lies.

You know on HGTV or even TLC for that matter when they professionals go into peoples' homes and give them a hip and updated look?  They make that crap look so easy and effortless.   There are no sweaty armpits, no frazzled looks, no greasy looking tossed back hair-dos and (pretty much) no cursing.  What it looks like to me is that they go in there and "work hard" for a good half hour of TV time and end up with (most of the time) a good looking place! 

Keeping this in mind, I have been watching TV professionals help amateurs (like myself) put up paint since the good old "Trading Spaces" days.  Yes, indeed, I watched that show with my mom every Friday night because, well, I was a newly single mom whose friends and potential dates were turned off by her incredibly inflexible schedule.  I saw every single episode.  Those people had two days to do a shit ton of work and the painting was always the easiest part.  Hell, one time I saw a couple paint stripes in lieu of a faux finish because it was EASIER!

Ever since Noelle was about 5 she has wanted to paint her room.  Naturally, as a renter, I have never been able to oblige little Noelle's simple request.  Now, in the new place, Noelle renewed her request to paint even just one wall in her room...this along with my husband's pleas to paint the living room and the management's permission made me cave.  Next thing I knew we were at the hardware store picking colors.  Noelle had her heart set on TWO colors and I said it would be okay to do an accent wall with a stripe.  She picked out a really nice pink and gold and we were on our way. 

Recalling my days of HGTV/TLC watching I thought a stripe would be easy peasy.  We even have a laser level to tape along, so no big, right?  WRONG!  That shit was horrible.  It took us 10 minutes to get one line straight.  Maybe I just suck, but it looked way easier on those home improvement shows.  Finally, frustrated, sweaty, greasy hairdo and cussing, I looked at Noelle and told her a pink wall would be prettier.  We quickly ditched the gold and I ripped that one line of tape down like it had kicked my ass in a previous life. 

At the end of the day Noelle wall is a gorgeous shade of pink (sans gold stripes).  I will never EVER attempt any fancy painting again.  In fact, I have informed Anwar that any painting to be done in the future will be done by professionals. 

HGTV, you led me astray.  I hate you and your painting fanciness and curse your very existence....but I of course will be back to watch my regularly scheduled home improvement shows tomorrow ;)

Modern Bird Studios Guest Giveaway

Hey all! Go check out Grosgrain for a fantastic Modern Bird Giveaway...although, telling you about this may hurt my chances...

Modern Bird Studios Guest Giveaway

Humpty dumpty had a great fall...twice.

It is that time again, yes the much anticipated Word Up, Yo! post is here!  If you would like to participate (and you really should) click on the pretty little link above or the even prettier picture below.  Go for it!

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So, I have two pretty cool cats.  So cool that one of them hides from people to the point that some of my family members do not believe he exists.  That would be Newton.  Noelle so fittingly calls him "scaredy cat."  The other cool cat is a fatty that will eat all day long if you let her.  We were told she was a short hair cat when we adopted her only to eventually discover she has super long hair that is black and sheds all over the place.  This cool eating kitty is Princess. 

Now, both cats have their quirks.  Newton seems to be the more intelligent cat of the two.  He, however, obviously has issues because he thinks the whole world is out to get him.  You can't even sneak up on this cat because it is like he is always on alert for some sort of enemy attack.  I compare him to Mel Gibson's (who by the way used to be hot and is now an old, ugly, super creep) character in Conspiracy Theory.  Yes, that paranoid all of the time! 

Now, Princess is much more laid back.  She is super friendly and will even drool on you to show how much she cares.  She also seems to somehow always be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  You know, like right under your feet when you are trying to move a very heavy piece of furniture.  She also growls at you then purrs and rubs up against your leg, like she cannot decide how to act.  So she must be akin to All About Eve, right?

Okay, so both cats have made adjustments since we moved.  We now have stairs.  Princess loves to run up and down, Newton won't touch them with a 10 foot pole.  We also now have a washer and dryer.  We wouldn't have thought they'd be so popular...

The other morning I heard an odd squeaking noise and could not figure it out.  I started looking around the apartment and discovered the noise was coming from my dryer.  My dryer was not on.  Then, I heard a meow.  That's right, Newton had jumped behind the dryer and the squeaking was him rubbing his paws on the back of the dryer to get our attetion.  Yes, we laughed.  

Two days later Anwar tells me to come into the bathroom really quick.  I go in and immediately hear meowing.  I look behind the dryer expecting to see Newton again, but no, it was Princess stuck behind the dryer this time.  We laughed again...this time even harder.

So, here is how I think it happened...from the perspective of my not-so-bright kitty cats:

Wow, that is a huge white box.  I bet I can jump on that box, yup, I bet I can.  Ready, set, JUMP!  See, I did it.  I knew I could.  Wow, now that I'm up here I bet I could go even higher.  I'll jump on the back - I am just that cool.  Whew.  I did it.  I am on the back of the dryer!  Wait, wait...whoa!  <<the cat went back and forth, fumbling his steps as he attempted to not fall>> Oh no, I don't have my balance!  Down I goooooooo!   Wow, it is kind of dark down here.  No big, I'l just jump back up.  I - Just - Need - To - Jump - Higher....Yeah, I'm stuck.

Haha.  We are considering putting a shelf behind the dryer so they can jump back up.

Dear Readers...

It has been 7 days since my last confession blog post. 

Who knew it would be so difficult to draft, schedule and publish posts while packing, cleaning and moving.  I even missed a scheduled post for a blog to which I have been contributing (I am sorry ladies, I know I suck). Well, I know now how crazy it can all be.  During this last week I have learned several things: 

1) Infants and random stacks of heavy boxes do not mix.
2) Showering after a long sweaty day of unpacking smells really bad.  Especially bad after you realize you have no idea where you packed the soap.
3) Anyone who lets their husband talk them into painting instead of putting stuff away is just plain stupid.
4) Pizza tastes horrible after eating it for many meals in a row.
5) I like Grey Goose and OJ.

There will indeed be a much delayed Twitter House Party because this place is actually worth showing off.  There will be pictures people, yes pictures galore.

Now, several of you super cool peeps have asked me for my moving with kiddos tips.  Now, I may have some tips, however, you must keep in mind that I nearly lost my sanity.  So maybe you should consider these things NOT to do when moving with a baby.  Well, just keep it in context.

1) Drink...drink a lot.
2) Get lots of babysitters and helpers.
3) You and your significant other MUST take time off of work to get the house together.  Every day there is crap everywhere is another day that you must continually occupy and supervise the kid...not fun.  Not fun at all.  I seriously wanted to pull out my hair because I was constantly saying: "No, Nikolai, don't touch that." or "Nikolai, get away from there," because he did not have a safe play area.  It sucked.
4) Have priority boxes pre-marked that get packed last and opened first.  Soap when stinky is really nice to have.
5) Drink some more.
6) Have meals frozen and ready to go.  You won't have the time or the dishes to cook...so just make it ahead of time or have people drop stuff off for you.
7) Don't turn away help.  Take it all.
8) Take before and after pics...I wish I would have done this because it was like an effing box factory in here and now it looks great!
9) Really, don't let your husband talk you into an unplanned paint job.  It looks nice but was so much of a hassle.
10) Drink and then blog about it.

I missed you all and can't wait to share more of my new diggs with you! Cheers :)